I'm trying to write a one-page piece of fiction for Hovie. Take a person you know well, a place you know fairly well, and an invented situation. Write a page and see what happens. Okay, well, that's a bit harder than it sounds. I can write all day about my dad and the Poole Restaurant, but an invented situation? Who even knows. I should've started this sooner. I've had a week to do it, but who would I be trying to kid? I'll finish it tomorrow at work. While I work on talking about what I want to be -- in Spanish.

I was walking from the library to the Curris Center today, in the rain (as if there was another option). I'm not sure why, but it reminded me of when I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia. That feeling of the fall semester holds so much more nostalgia than hardly any other time of year. I always remember it most, and therefore, I am reminded of those fall memories so often. I looove fall.

In between times, I've been checking in on the hurricane coverage. News doesn't very often make me cry, but this afternoon, I sat here in my living room with tears coming down my face because a man could not find his wife after he let go of her hand as their house ripped in two. Because the disaster so much overwhelmed someone that he jumped to his death from the second level of the SuperDome. Because there are seas with nothing but rooftops sticking out of the surface of the water.

I'll rest comfortably tonight in my dry bed.

God help the people whose lives Katrina has demolished.

Feels like a flood in my head

I have to employ every ounce of my willpower not to title every rainy Monday blog entry "rainy days and mondays." But today really felt like one. I don't know what's up.

I think it's Spanish. I think I'm having an involuntary panic attack about my lack of Spanish agility. I feel like I don't know a thing about it. Courtney and I did some little presentation today about newspaper articles. It was nothing really, but we both pretty much bombed it. After ours, Bodevin began making some speech about speaking so everyone can understand. I don't know. I'm not sure what he was saying, and that scares me. I don't know if I have higher expectations of myself now or what, but I feel like a backslidden Spanish speaker. After class, I saw Dr. Howe. We conversed a bit. I did okay, but I'm now remembering everything I said incorrectly. I couldn't get on an elevator fast enough. Why didn't I duck for the stairs?

I know I am overreacting. But let me be totally honest with you. I fear failure. I don't know whose expectations I'm floundering about trying to meet, but I feel like I'm drowning in them. And they aren't very high, which is worse.

I thought I learned a lot about confidence this summer. Maybe not.

Oh, I know what this is all about. Give me a week, and I'll recover. I think I need some tea.

three is a magical number

Continuing this rather boring Friday afternoon, I'm redesigning the blog and looking at blogs. Randomly looking at my own, I found a survey that I'm going to do again. Originally answered on October 26, 2004. I think it's fun because some of the wishes I proposed the first time have been granted. I've read The Screwtape Letters (now, one of my favorite books) and I've visited Europe. Anyway. Without further ado...

Three things I'm wearing right now:

1. Java-colored (as the sales lady told me), 3/4-length-sleeved, gathered-neck, and other such-styled shirt.
2. A worn pair of jeans.
3. My I-bought-these-in-Spain-at-the-open-air-market-in-the-rain earrings.

Three things on my desk:

1. John, who might fancy a water-change.
2. Five mosaic candle holders.
3. Remy Zero's album, The Golden Hum.

Three things I want to do before I die:

1. I still want to write a book.
2. I want to go back to Europe -- specifically, the British Isles.
3. I recently decided that I'd like to live in a house with a bunch of people. Not permanently, mind you.

Three good ways to describe my personality:

1. I try to be as objective as possible. It sometimes works.
2. I'm going to stick to the creative thing, though it comes and goes.
3. I cannot stay mad at someone. Cannot.

Three bad things about my personality:

1. I block myself off from people. I don't let myself need them.
2. I sometimes make my mind up too quickly about situations and people, and too often I'm wrong. And then I've made an ass of myself. Kind of goes against that "objective" claim I made earlier.
3. Indifference plagues me. Make it go away.

Three things I like about my body:

1. My eyes.
2. My hair.
3. My mom tells me I have pretty lips. Ooookay.

Three things I don't like about my body:

1. The feet.
2. My hands.
3. The general unhealthy state of it all.

Three things I say the most:

1. These days, my computer lab account creation speech.
2. "Sweet mother" just made a comeback.
3. When I lose something, which is often, I go about in the Paloma voice saying, "Where's my [whatever I've lost]?" It's the Paloma voice that's important here.

Three places I want to go:

1. Well, I think Seattle is on the list.
2. Back to Europe, like I said earlier.
3. Oxford. Figure that one out. I don't know.

Three names I go by:

1. Cassidy.
2. Cass.
3. Sassy.

Three screen names I've had:

1. call_me_cass
2. cassalonezzz
3. cassidynorvell

Three people I consider best friends:

1. Holly.
2. Dale.
3. Mom.

Three CDs I couldn't live without:

1. The Garden State soundtrack.
2. Room for Squares, John Mayer.
3. And now, Our Endless Numbered Days, Iron and Wine.

Three websites I visit the most:

1. hotmail.com
2. campus.murraystate.edu
3. cslewis.drzeus.net

Three books I want to read:

1. I'm eventually going to finish Till We Have Faces, C. S. Lewis.
2. Anticipating the seventh year of Harry Potter. Two years' wait.
3. The Catcher in the Rye is still sitting on my bookshelf.

Three things that make me laugh:

1. Guier's impression of Dr. Morgan.
2. Seinfeld is officially the last good sitcom.
3. Bridget's doing a good job.

Completely unrelated: Here's a belated R. I. P. to my man Peter Jennings. I see that Brian Williams is his official successor.

like a friday afternoon

So I managed to make a decent outfit involving the shirt and a pair of the shoes. I don't know if it matched. I don't care. My Spain earrings matched the shirt, so that's good.

I'm bad with homework. The one assigment I had for Spanish, I didn't do it. I attempted to do it in class. And thank goodness Bodevin is scatter-brained. He's going to take it up Monday.

Saw Justin, Ryan, and PDR (totally forgot his name was Casey when I tried to address him) in the Curris Center. Possible chicken-thirtying will take place.

It's Friday. If only every week was this short, I might make it. Though, I don't think this semester is going to be too bad.

Is that thunder I hear? I thought I wasn't going to have to take a nap, but okay, weather. If you must.

i'll have a novel in mexico

Careers I should not pursue: Fashion design. Culinary arts.

I did some shopping yesterday. I got a two pairs of shoes, a shirt, and a pair of pants. And I still cannot make a new outfit.

I'm hungry. And I thought I'd make a pasta-and-cheese concoction. Barely edible. But I'm doing my best to eat it.

Day two of schooling. Okay. Three minutes a piece in my Morgan classes. Lots of fun reading. Lots of probably-not-fun reading. Lots of probably-not-reading-any-of-it-at-all-and-making-up-reading-journal-entries.

Ate lunch at 10 freaking a. m. What exactly is that? Turns out, there are several poor souls on campus that also have to eat that early. Of course, as I was leaving the T-Room, I saw people eating waffles. I had Subway. What. Is. That.

I went with Tessa for her lunch since we got out of Teaching Lit early. We talked Harry Potter. Love newfound depth of geekity. We promised each other we wouldn't wear robes and cloaks or carry wands to the Cheri. We also, somewhat ashamedly, discussed that Hogwarts, like Murray, is on the residential college system, and Richmond, what with the red and gold and lions, is our very own Griffyndor. Then we leapt off the footbridge because our geekity reached an intolerable level.

Did you know you can put digital pictures through one-hour developing on walmart.com, and 4x6s are only 19 cents? You pick your order up in the store, of course. Thinking of testing the competency our local WalMart photo center to get those last few Spain pictures I failed to develop. If it works, I'll be in heaven. It's infinitely cheaper than the Kodak kiosk, and one hour doesn't seem so long when you're not already in the store.

Didn't print my syllabus for HELL tomorrow. That was, like, my one assignment. Way to start the year off right. I might try to dig out my old not-so-trusty Canon printer. I don't know if it has ink in it or not.

Took a tremendous nap this afternoon. I tell you. This school thing is wearing me out. Of course, I've gone basically from total bed-rest immediately to running all over campus. How about a 10:30 bedtime. Sounds grand.

home, sweet, faculty hall

in my ears

artist: iron and wine
song: teeth in the grass

---

Hello, first day of school. I just read an email from my mom. She asked me if it smelled like the first day of school. You know what I'm talking about. It's that hot-but-cold, foggy, school bus exhaust, classrooms freshly doused in some sort of cleaning fluid smell. It didn't, Mom. Not today.

It began with the dullness of History of the English Language, which I can (and probably will) dub HEL, or HELL, tacking Lorrah at the end of that. Off to Waterfield for a briskly passing 2.5 hours of "Yeah, everybody's accounts have been disabled. Sign in with username Murray, password Racers. That'll take you through an account creation process. Then you can log out and log back in with your new account. Oh, and this information is on the computer screen, in case you didn't see it." J. Matt stopped and tried to talk to me for about ten minutes. I gave that exact spiel to about seven or eight people while trying to discuss with Matt our respective trips to Segovia and London. So much for conversation. But it's supposed to be work, right? Right. Well, I read some Bridget after things died down. Oh, and the person who sold me the wrong book is going to send the right one to me. For free. Yee! Okay, then it was Spanish. Bodevin is almost precious. Today, anyway. Then it was off to HH, or Jungle George. You wild and dirty man. I plot-outlined "The Story of an Hour" for the eighty-third time in my college career. And so there's my big long day.

Ah, I chicken-thirtied by myself. I did see John Jenkins for a few minutes in there. As a matter of fact, I've seen lots and lots of people. If there's anything that's been great fun this beginning-o'-the-semester, it's the seeing of about everybody ever and being met with so many good-to-see-yous. I've never felt like I've had to get so reacquainted in my life. I've seen everybody from Spain, except Charlie, but I'll probably see him in the library since he works there. Anyway, the moral of the chicken-thirty story (what story?) is that I must find someone to eat my lunches with. This, however, will prove to be a most unusual problem on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I have to eat lunch at 10:00. No joke.

I've been having the strongest urges to open the bottle of wine my señora gave me and see about it. I doubt all that. But I'll need every drop tomorrow. It's Day o' Hammurabi. God help us all.

Where is something to eat?

on the eve

It's the official end of the summer. At 8:30 in the a. m. I'll (hopefully, if I don't oversleep) be trudging into History of the English language to kick off classes. Then it's a mad dash to Waterfield for "work" immediately after class. I get an hour and a half lunchish time before hitting 1:30 Spanish, followed by my once-a-week delicious three-hour dose of HH. Theeeeen (probably not this week, however) I'll be going to the BSU to hang out with international students. Oooh, I just realized that I could probably actually make it to luncheon at the BSU this semester. Nothing like $1 home cookin'. I'll need it in the middle of Wednesdays like that.

Well, I unintentionally ended my Realities on Campus tradition and took advantage of my last sleep-in day of my life. I'm not sure if I didn't set my alarm or if I turned it off in my sleep. Oh, well. I did, however, make to see Tom DeLuca (the hypnotist) after my lab worker meeting. A reasonable trade-off, I suppose.

I have completely not prepared for tomorrow. I did lie awake last night wondering what kind of books I'm going to tote with me on the ceremonious first day. Not that I came to any conclusion or anything. I don't know what I'm wearing, either. Not usually one of my utmost concerns, but you know. I might ought to go ahead and figure that out because I can see it now. I'll wake up at 8:32 and have to scramble out the door. No time for thinking.

Alright, I'm going to bed now, and maybe I'll fall asleep before daylight.

books

Well. I tore apart and boxed up the stupid bookshelf with a resentful "so that's how it's going to be..." And $336 worth of textbooks will just keep themselves in their University Bookstore box right where they are. I had to wrestle a pre-packaged box away from them because one class required me to buy roughly fifteen texts.

I have two copies of Bridget Jones's Diary, thank you, half.com. And I'm going to start one of them now.

I'm thinking about looking at my fiction-writing textbook. Mmm, Hovie.

And something's compelling me to look at my Strunk and White's from English 101. What's that all about?

Okay. Now that I've resigned myself to the complete loss that is the bookshelf, I have to move on. There are about three hundred things to do so that I can maneuver from place to place without tripping. Never mind that two-hundred pound box in the middle of the kitchen. I need a good guy (or girl) friend to come move it to the car so I can take it back to WalMart.

PDR just came up on random on my iTunes. That always bodes well.

my cold, cold heart

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to handle this.

My Holly called me a bit ago, proposing we go to lunch. After lying in bed for a few more minutes, I got up and went to the living room. There I found, amidst everything else scattered about, the WalMart bag I have full of toiletries. I rummaged around, found my new toothbrush, and I saw it immediately. Whoever works at Oral B and produced this toothbrush is an idiot. What is the "clever" name of this product line to which this brush belongs? Artic Advantage. Artic Advantage, with an icy-looking background and everything. C'mon people. It's spelled Arctic. I probably learned that in third grade around about the time my spelling words were things like Barcelona. Against my better judgment, I opened the package and used the toothbrush, with the misspelling emblazoned on the side in big letters. *sigh*

It is a sad situation when I'm getting snobby with my toothbrush, isn't it?

welcome back

film: eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

---

Well, I know I've already been here for a day, and the truth is that I've been here off and on, though a bit sporadically, all summer. But it now feels like I'm back. I went to WalMart twice today. That definitely counts for something. First, I went with Mom and Dad and got my DVD player and a rather cute bookshelf. After finishing Half-Blood Prince (I swore I'd do it before school started), I began assembling my shelving system, which I had somehow imagined it would pop out of the box fully assembled since it appeared to be some sort of collasping contraption on the in-store display. How I wish it was one of those elusive no-assembly-required deals. Whoever did the pre-assembly put a nuts-and-bolts thingy in the wrong hole, screeching my nifty handiwork with the Allen wrench to a halting stop, sending me back to WalMart to the uncharted waters of the hardware department in search of what I was certain would remedy the situation. Oh, no. So I'm a tad inept with tools and their functions. I whined, stomped my feet, and hung up my Allen wrench. And put in a DVD.

Yes, yes. A new DVD must accompany the new DVD player, right? It's only fitting. And WalMart has, since I've come near the rack, put up some new nine dollar and thirteen dollar movies. I couldn't find Love Actually. I was going to break down and buy it. But I did find Eternal Sunshine, which I snatched up immediately. I also saw Fried Green Tomatoes, but I decided to hold off. There is also Garden State, an obvious purchase. However, Mom already bought it for me, along with October Sky, like six months ago. BUT WE CANNOT FIND IT. A tragedy, indeed. I've put Mom on the hunt for them -- again.

Okay, I'm completey distracted by the movie. And everything that's been brought in here in the last twenty-four hours has just been tossed about, nowhere near its proper place. And I've got a half-finished bookshelf in the middle of my kitchen floor. Somewhere inside me lives a little neat freak. She's also a morning person, an over-acheiver, and all those things. I said she's little. Tiny, really.

balance

I'm back in Murray, and you'll never believe what've I've got. Besides two awkward empty spaces in the back of my mouth (I'm nicely recuperated), I have a new-to-me and massively huge television and a computer screen. Yes, yes. I talked myself out of the whole new computer thing. But after my built-in DVD player broke in my TV and my parents bought a camper in need of a television bigger than the three-inch set they're coping with, I'm giving it to them. And Sissy and Randy (strange folks, they are) had a 32-inch (sweet mother, it's big) TV and a 17-inch (sweet mother, it's big, as well) flat-screen computer monitor laying around. Not only can I watch TV (even though I don't usually all that much) and compute at the same time, but I can also see them both clearly from a mile away.

I still haven't finished Half-Blood Prince yet. Why, oh, why? I've suddenly found myself very busy. Speaking of books, I attempted to order Bridget Jones's Diary and Edge of Reason from half.com. I am now the proud (or not) owner of two copies of the first book. I have quite an issue to take up with the seller of the sequel. And continuing to speak of books, I need a bookcase, and I think I've got the Mom and the Dad talked into bookcase-shopping tomorrow. That, however, means we'll be doing long battle with every single Murray State student. Nasty crowds in the stores.

But did I mention how incredibly excited I am about the beginning of school? Incredibly excited.

I would be highly disappointed if there wasn't a production of Realities on Campus in order for sometime within the next couple days. I'm sure there is... I'll check some Great Beginnings schedule that is floating around the internet somewhere. Anyway, four years in a row. Can't miss it.

One more thing before I go. No, no. Three things. One, I got an A in my Spain class. Hoorah. Two, I've been place to work in Waterfield again this semester. Hoorah. Three, I just realized that I'm going to have two lunch-time classes back-to-back with Hammurabi on Tuesday and Thursday this semester, which absolutely negates any excitement that might have been perceived by those two previous hoorahs. Well, it does seem that all things will eventually balance themselves out in time.

what it all comes down to

in my ears

artist: alanis morissette
album: jagged little pill (acoustic)

---

So I was kidding myself when I bought the accordion file, thinking I could organize all my education materials into it. I gleaned from shelves and my closet, and before I knew it, I had a pile of stuff up to my knees. Stuff just from education classes. Yeah. That cute, totable file looks like a pansy little nothing in that face of all forty pounds of that. So, I managed to separate it all into three piles and stick it under the futon. That's what I do. If I don't know what to do with something and it's a bit too fragile to be chucked all haphazardly into the closet, it can go under the futon. At least it's all together now, right?

But continuing with my back-to-school blitz, I went ahead and labeled my notebooks and folders for this coming semester. And yes, yes. I know. It's really not all that possible to make me geekier. Of course, you could look at my neatly lined up Harry Potter books on the shelf. So what if I just wanted to see what they'd look like all together?

And for your reading enjoyment, a list of things that I'ma loving right now:

This all-too-fun school shopping and preparation.

Green tea with mint. I drank it almost every day in Spain. Thank God I bought some at the airport before I left because I can't find it here. I'm enjoying it immensely before I run out.

Hanging out with Holly. It's unfortunate that we haven't been able to hang out this summer, but we do what we can to make up for it.

Justin. Got to see him tonight. It's been too long. And absences like this should never happen again.

All the music I've wrangled away from people. It's taken a lot of actually buying some albums to ease my conscience about burning CDs. Who am I kidding? But I'm currently finding time to listen to Alanis' new CD, some Iron and Wine, The Shins, Wilco, and Century Century: Unmastered.

Graph paper. I've been using it for my handwritten journal, and I have to say, those criss-crossed lines make me write differently. I like the way it looks. So much neater. Keeps it small and compact, which is always better.

Movie previews. I am pumped about The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Goblet of Fire. I have to wait until the holidays to indulge, but oh, will I be there.

Lamps. That's right. I love lamp. I've recently had a new one added to my collection. I bought it off of Day, and it's on my kitchen counter. I've been able to function off lamp-light only, which creates a mood I rather enjoy.

All right. I think that does it for now.

endless numbered days

These are interesting days. I'm sitting in my living room floor, looking up at the TV, wishing school would start. Not that this summer hasn't been good, but like I say, the first day of school is my favorite holiday. Holly's and mine after-Tom's trip to Wal-Mart turned my heart even more longingly toward planners, binders, and -- oh, my -- expandable accordion files. I have this innate need to organize. I'm currently talking myself into the all-mighty computer purchase, which would be an organizing machine, no? It's been a back-and-forth internal battle over it, but between Mom and Dale and anyone else who has seen my pitiful computer, I've about got myself convinced that it is a necessary purchase.

I've actually got lots of purchases on the brain. I just downloaded a Shins CD, and I'm rounding off the Iron and Wine CD that I partially downloaded. Good music. I've acquire lots of new music from folks this summer. The good thing about new friends and new friends of friends is the trickle-down effect of great music, nicely adding to my wide selection of listening enjoyment. In other purchases, I've finished off the entire available selection of the wonderous Harry Potter. I've still got the fifth and sixth books to read, but at least I own them now. Also, it would be quite nice to have a for-real bookshelf to begin housing my rapidly growing collection of books. But a bookshelf is a lifetime piece of furniture, an investment, if you will. So stacks and boxes will have to do for now.

But as I said, this is a summer of a different color. It will go down in my memory forever as the summer of Spain, Harry Potter, and the Tonsilectomy. That's right. Come Friday morn, I'll be tonsil-free, and livelihood-free, as well. We're looking at two to three weeks of recovery, which brings me right up on the start of school. So I need to get all my school preparations under way in these next couple days. I doubt all that'll happen. But a girl can dream, eh?

In completely unrelated news, have you ever felt like someone's tearing the world down around you? Okay, so maybe those are strong words. But in the past few days, those with wrecking balls and bulldozers have destroyed three buildings in Henderson: Walgreens, Lee's Famous Recipe, and -- worst of all -- Jerry's Restaurant. Maybe Jerry's needing tearing down, but oh, how many a childhood memory I have made sitting with my family as they drank endless cups of coffee and told stories. No matter the place, if you've got formative memories attached to it, it's hard to see it go. Here's to you, Jerry's. I'm sure Denny's will never be able to take your place.

Well, in the matter of a day, I've fallen deeply in love with Iron and Wine's song "Passing Afternoon." I might see if I can learn to play it. And I might actually order a computer. Maybe by the time I rouse out of my post-operation stupor, it will have arrived at my door.

Show somebody some love, won't you?