*sigh*

Beautiful, beautiful Order of the Phoenix sneak peek.

Minty fresh.

It's St. Patrick's Day season again. Here comes the cold, and all that. And I'm celebrating with a new wintry design.

Here's a rundown, free-stylin' the list:

• Today was the last day for Dr. Howe's class. I see post-Waag lunches happening for the remainder of the semester.
• I have at least three different Spanish poems in my head. Uninvited.
• I'm cold. Yeah, that's all there is to that.
• I'm going to see Happy Feet tomorrow -- and it just happens to have the teaser trailer for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix among its previews...
• I forgot to eat supper. Crap.
• I think I left my umbrella in FH 406. Luckily, that's where I have German in the morn.
• I think I've been ripped off by a Half.com seller. It's been almost a month since I ordered my copy of Speak English Like An American. It's a no-show.
• Why are FreshInk cards leaving me? The bookstore is no longer going to sell Hallmark cards. I can just feel the joys of my life slip-sliding away.

Simon says: You know, the nearer your destination, the more you're slip-slidin' away.

Is that so?

More in the way of Facebook theft and song surveys.

I am to choose an artist and answer these questions / finish these sentences by only using song titles belonging to the chosen artist.

Mayer, of course.

Are you male or female? Daughters.

Describe yourself. Bigger Than My Body.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Why Georgia.

Your best friend is... Comfortable.

Your favorite color is... Another Kind of Green.

What's the weather like? Covered in Rain. (I really do hear thunder out there.)

If you life was a TV show, what would it be called? Wait Until Tomorrow.

What is life to you? Wheel.

What's the best advice you have to give? Why Did You Mess With Forever?

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Victoria. Well, it's either that or Lenny.

Yes, I admit, I got a drinkin' problem.

Does anybody remember that David Ball song from back in 1994, "Thinkin' Problem"? Oh, country music. Oh, childhood. Anyway...

The title of this post is indeed not referring to my fancy for margaritas or my growing fancy for Killian's Irish Red. Rather, I'm referring to the fact that when I go to WalMart, about fifty percent of what fills my cart is beverages or beverage mixes.

Just tonight: orange juice, soy milk (I'm giving it a shot after seeing The Corporation), cranberry-apple juice, Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer tea, and spiced apple cider mix. Also, upon further inspection of my box of Great Grains, I discovered that the cereal people decided that adults like surprises in their cereal, too, and there inside was a three-bag sampler of Tazo tea. I mean, I know that the cereal aisle is laden with subliminal messages -- mostly found kids' sugar cereal shaped like cartoon characters -- but I really think I subconsciously registered the free tea label on the box. Why else would I buy a whole grain cereal? I mean, seriously.

I've just recently become obsessed with interesting things to drink. Perhaps it is the Starbucks culture infiltrating my system. But I've noticed that everywhere I go, I'm either going to have coffee, or more recently, a cup of tea. And honestly, it excites me. Just this afternoon, my mom, sister, nieces, and I had what unexpectedly turned into a tea party. I had, for the first time ever, milk in my tea. Oh, the glory. I'm practically a new woman. Anyway, I took pictures of the event, complete with a miniature Dora the Explorer tea set, and I need to put them up on Flickr.

Perhaps I should go on a diet where I do nothing but drink fluids. Something tells me I could be very happy.

Lighten up.

It's definitely time for some mindlessness.

This is the "soundtrack to my life" thing where I put iTunes on shuffle and let it pick the songs that will accompany the following scenes in my life. I stole this off someone's Facebook. Isn't it funny the things that it assumes would be a part of everyone's life? Anyway, no time for analyzing. I just thought that some of these were kind of appropriate, some funny. And what's up with all the James Taylor?

Opening credits: "Picture" - Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow
First day at school: "My Stupid Mouth" - John Mayer
Falling in love: "Levon" - Taylor Hicks
The fight: "Things Change" - Dwight Yoakam
Breaking up: "Reelin' in the Years" - Steely Dan
Prom: "Walking Man" - James Taylor
Life's okay: "Girl on the Wing" - the Shins
Mental breakdown: "I Walk the Line" - Joaquin Phoenix
Driving: "Sweet Baby James" - James Taylor
Flashback: "Handy Man" - James Taylor
Getting back together: "At the Stars" - Better Than Ezra
Wedding: "You've Got a Friend" - James Taylor
Birth of child: "Blue Eyed Soul" - Wilco
Final battle: "One of These Things First" - Nick Drake
Death scene: "She's Only Happy in the Sun" - Ben Harper
Funeral: "Yesterday" - the Beatles
End credits: "Empty" - Ray LaMontagne

Real quick-like.

People are not projects. I don't want to be your project. I don't want you to be my project.

God forbid we lose so much respect for one another that we forget this.

Make no mistake; this is not a poem.

I know it could be worse. It always can be.
I know that it's all probably self-inflicted.
I know that it's probably PMS.

But I'm tired of working and not getting finished.
I'm tired of light bulbs blowing.
I'm tired of dragging soggy leaves onto the carpet.
I'm tired of being in the library
and hearing people text messaging
and the TAB and M not working on my keyboard
and someone sitting in my place.
I'm tired of the long line at the coffee shop.
I'm tired of detours.
I'm tired of too many pennies in my change purse.
I'm tired of all these little things,
even if they happen only once.

I know that the grass really isn't greener on the other side of right now.
I know that hindsight is 20/20.
I know that I will look back and sigh.
I know that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
I know that this too shall pass.
I know that I'm making a mountain out of a thousand little molehills.

But is it too much to ask to be bored?
To entertain whimsy,
To go out because I want to and because I can,
And not to worry that I'm screwing up my entire future
with five minutes of breathing easy?

And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills.

I talk about growing up a lot. How that's what I've been doing for the last twenty three years. How that's what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. And sometimes, when I'm brave enough, I try to imagine what my life will be like in five, ten, or twenty years. I'm usually quite unsuccessful at it. Because, one, I am so unclear about what it is that I want in life that the image is too blurry to make it out anyway. And two, because I find it easy to convince myself that there is no way of knowing what will happen, and therefore, there is little purpose in playing the what-if game.

I had to play that what-if game today, though.

It was less than an hour ago. I was singing along with The Shins' "Pink Bullets" on my iTunes, heating up some left-over chicken and biscuits dinner-in-a-box I'd "made" last night, and thinking up ways to avoid doing my homework. My phone rang, and it was my sister.

With the recent deaths in our family and the financial and legal challenges that come along with it, I'm getting quite used to this being the topic of my phone conversations. But as I told Holly yesterday, talking about money gives me a rash. Probably because money generally signifies responsibility, and we all know that the thought of responsibility makes me come unglued. But you know, I'm dealing.

So this particular conversation with my sister started off with references to will-making and life insurance and all those pleasant things that I've grown accustomed to talking about. But before I knew it my sister was asking me if, at some point in the future, I would be willing to be listed as guardian of my nieces in the event of my sister and her husband's death.

[Insert silence here.]

What happened, though, was so contrary to my form that I'm still in a bit of shock. I was already nodding my head affirmatively and prepared to give a yes before my sister was finished asking the question. I, the me who hems and haws at any sort of decision or responsibility, discovered in that moment that if there is anything I am sure about in my life, it is that I would accept responsibility for raising Victoria and Kathryn if I had to. I would not bat an eyelash in doubt.

It is a responsibility that I hope I never have to assume because it would be indicative of other unspeakable tragedy. But as I leaned against the kitchen counter in my unkempt apartment that reflects my relatively self-centered, college-student life, I was able to look into a possible -- but not probable -- future in which I was okay. I was responsible -- not because it was a characteristic of my personality, but because it was the role in life that I had assumed. Through that tiny window of possibility, I could see that everything was going to be okay.

There is a lot of talk about life being what you make it. And you know, I can see that. But we can spend so much time trying to make life be something that it isn't, and in the meantime, we end up missing the life that is or forgetting that, sometimes, life has a way of making itself for us. What we can do is become the sort of people who make decent decisions in our given cirumstances.

For me, the future is still just as blurry as ever. I don't know what will happen. None of us does. What I can say, though, is that the present -- which is always morphing in and out of the past and the future -- came into focus some. And that's all we can really ask for.