tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59778882024-03-19T04:25:26.840-05:00washed up | blogsomewhere between the water and the shoreCassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.comBlogger580125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-33005531755482406322011-07-20T21:13:00.000-05:002011-07-20T21:13:06.384-05:00Washed up and out.I now do my bloggin' at <a href="http://realfatandsassy.blogspot.com/">Real Fat and Sassy</a>. Pop on over!Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-4443678519572558122010-07-07T23:34:00.005-05:002010-07-08T12:08:30.027-05:00Day two at the gym.I went in for Day Two at the gym. Look! I'm halfway to my goal for the week.<br />
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I now (sort of) understand the blue sheet B the T referred to yesterday. It's basically a spreadsheet-style log of my activity statistics (duration, resistance, pace, weight, reps...). When I got there today, she already had it filled out and ready to go, though she didn't show me the thing until <em>after</em> I'd completed the workout. I think that was a good move. I didn't feel defeated before I got started, and I felt totally rewarded after accomplishing everything she set out for me. I realize that this workout may not seem all that challenging to some, especially since many of the levels are rock-bottom, but it was perfect for me. I had to talk myself through some of it (see: <em>arc trainer</em> and <em>sit-ups</em>), but I was able to do it, which was more than I did yesterday. And I sweated my butt off in the process.<br />
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I look forward to the day I can look back at this and laugh at the ease of it.<br />
<br />
<ul><li>Treadmill: incline 1, 3.3 and 3.4 mph, 15 minutes</li>
<li>Arc trainer: level 15, 10 minutes</li>
<li>EFX (elliptical): level 4, 10 minutes</li>
<li>Arm curl: 15 pounds, 2 sets of 10</li>
<li>Incline pull: 50 pounds, 2 sets of 10</li>
<li>Chest press: 15 pounds, 2 sets of 10</li>
<li>Overhead press: 10 pounds, 2 sets of 10</li>
<li>Abdominals: 35 pounds, 3 sets of 10</li>
<li><div align="justify">BOSU sit-ups: 3 sets of 10</div></li>
</ul><p align="justify"><br />
<br />
This is my routine for the first few weeks, just so I can get used to working out. I'll do cardio each time and the weights one or two times a week, she says, but I'm going to shoot for twice a week. I'll add minutes or pounds or resistance or reps or <em>something</em> each time to keep myself challenged and moving forward. I'm feeling good about this.<br />
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In other news, I'm feeling good about tomorrow's weigh-in. I've done really well with staying within my daily points target, which I finally recalculated to reflect my <em>actual</em> daily activity (summer = sedentary). I'm now operating on a 30-point day. Not only have I eaten the right numbers, but I have eaten the right foods. I've made good choices even when it wasn't easy in favor of healthy, lean, and fresh foods. I've had only a few sweets and diet sodas, relatively speaking<br />
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Honestly, I'm afraid to get my hopes up for a big loss or any loss at all, but I have to remember that if I keep making progress like this, I am guaranteed to see the results eventually. And "results" aren't just numbers on a scale.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-20341358848179202972010-07-06T17:26:00.004-05:002010-07-06T18:11:16.022-05:00Introducing: B the T and the gym.I met with Brittney the Trainer today at the gym, and it went well. She seems friendly, knowledgeable, helpful, and thank heavens, not too judgmental. We sat down and talked about getting into the routine of coming to the gym and about not getting into the routine of doing the same workout over and over. We talked about goals. She had to write something down on her little paper that goes in my file, so we said my long term goal is to lose weight, even though I feel that doesn't exactly encompass the entirety of my motivation for being there. Since these goals have to be measurable, she seemed to think that 160 pounds is a good goal for me, which is ten pounds more than I had figured in my head, but that's fine with me. I'm not really working toward a number, but a lifestyle and state of health. For a short term goal, though, I didn't really want to put a number of pounds on it. We decided that, at this point, my goal should be just getting to the gym four times a week. Then she put me on some cardio machines.<br /><br />This is where I should mention that, due a purse-switch and cruel turn of fate, I forgot my earbuds, even though I put together what I think is an awesome workout playlist. But I don't know because I didn't get to try it out. I did, however, try out the treadmill (15 minutes), the arc trainer (7 minutes), and the bike (10 minutes). The treadmill would be a lot better if I had my music, but I think it's a good place to warm up. The arc trainer was fun, but it kicked my butt. That's a good thing, though, right? The goal was to go five minutes or ten, if I could. Yeah. The bike was okay, though I wasn't feeling too challenged. My heart rate thought otherwise and stayed up while I pedaled away, so I guess it was doing its thing. I'm supposed to be figuring out which machines I like and can stay on for an extended amount of time. I kind of liked switching up.<br /><br />Even though I could have skipped town tonight to go hang out with family overnight, which I've done for the entire long weekend, I made an appointment to meet with B the T again tomorrow morning. She's supposed to have a "blue sheet" (whatever that means) fixed up for me that outlines the routine that I'll work on for the next few weeks. I <em>will</em> roll up in there with some music this time. And yeah, and some deodorant. Oops.<br /><br />After the gym, I hit up WalMart to pick up an extra pair of earbuds and some groceries. I cheated and went ahead and bought two pairs of pants to workout in. I won't consider them my cute, reward workout clothes, though. They're from WalMart, for pete's sake. But at the end of this month of going to the gym for four days a week, I'm going to find me a cute gym bag, too. I don't even know where to begin that search.<br /><br />Speaking of buying clothes and things, let me leave you with huge victory I experienced this weekend. I've been having that defeated feeling when looking in my closet as of late. I have a few cute things that fit, but not much. So on Sunday, Mom and I headed to Kohl's and the mall to see what I could find. I didn't go on a shopping spree or anything, but I picked up a few cute tops and a dress that I am still not sure about. But can I tell you that these articles of clothing came from the <em>misses section</em>? Not the <em>women's</em> (aka, plus size) <em>section</em>. Misses! I have never in my life gotten clothes from the side of the store or an entire store meant for normal-sized people. (Though I realize now that I probably could have when I was a teenager and could have been a little more stylish. Oh, hindsight.) Now I still can't buy pants over there and I am only able to wear the largest size available, but <em>who cares?!</em><br /><br />Mom wanted to take a picture of me today, and I was wearing one of the shirts I got. The picture reminded me a lot of another one taken by <a href="http://herlifelessordinary.blogspot.com/">my best friend </a>when we were on a train in Europe three years ago. Until I looked at them side by side.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikKGbZVb7-CciD0KzG6HLgWQzGYlJFOmoLY2Xv-k4lku3jy21nEiNGouGEIzCB3Mh0GFK24QX631T7GRByE9jpRqWvO5OrZqnUdp4o83H_8-d0WLZnKRIhiu1JQ9P1pMUWLaiklg/s1600/me+on+train.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 238px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490933569806366786" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikKGbZVb7-CciD0KzG6HLgWQzGYlJFOmoLY2Xv-k4lku3jy21nEiNGouGEIzCB3Mh0GFK24QX631T7GRByE9jpRqWvO5OrZqnUdp4o83H_8-d0WLZnKRIhiu1JQ9P1pMUWLaiklg/s320/me+on+train.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHllfDarZsPY2YIGqcopwgTs_ONDALqvG0q2q7s3QE0IsK-wl_Dc1EFmCmemZNNMg9OUy4AIE1iBH1QXfsWmMkoqCEAPCQgVVJW5Kwf0xmaf06qF_zYkD4TK8UYyNRszQ0iHDxw/s1600/070610+grey+shirt+small.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490933951062160578" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHllfDarZsPY2YIGqcopwgTs_ONDALqvG0q2q7s3QE0IsK-wl_Dc1EFmCmemZNNMg9OUy4AIE1iBH1QXfsWmMkoqCEAPCQgVVJW5Kwf0xmaf06qF_zYkD4TK8UYyNRszQ0iHDxw/s320/070610+grey+shirt+small.JPG" /></a>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-47004782694386168872010-07-01T22:48:00.005-05:002010-07-05T20:07:29.384-05:00Going against the odds.I joined a gym last Thursday.<br /><br />I've been considering it for a few weeks now, especially since I've struggled so much with Weight Watchers this summer. I know I need to incorporate activity into the lifestyle I'm developing. I've tried a few things. I did Couch to 5K for two weeks. I have a Wii Fit and can sometimes get into a routine, but I don't feel like that's enough. I know someone who is currently being pretty successful with doing his own workout routine at home, but honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start. I don't really know how to do exercises properly or how much to do. Without direction, I would give up quickly.<br /><br />So I went on the hunt for a gym. We have a few fitness options in town. There's the YMCA, Curves, another women's boutique-style gym called Elements, and Fitness Formula, which is owned by the local health foundation. It was actually a relatively easy decision. I narrowed it down to Elements and Fitness Formula pretty quickly. Elements has some nifty exercise machines that use card scanners to adjust to your personalized settings with just a swipe. There's a fancy-pants hydromassage bed and a sauna. They also offer some neat group classes. But the really good-sounding classes and use of the massage bed and sauna have added fees on top of the already exhorbitant $400 annual fee, plus a big initial fee. Fitness Formula, on the other hand, has an agreement with our Board of Education and will waive the $50 enrollment fee <em>and</em> chop 15%-20% off the membership, depending on how you pay. While Fitness Formula doesn't have super-swank equipment with swipey cards (though each treadmill does have its own TV), they do have specially trained, um, trainers who will work with me to develop goals and teach me how to reach them.<br /><br />Obviously, I went with Fitness Formula. I have an appointment there with a trainer in the morning. We're going to sit down and work up a plan for me. I am only a little nervous, but mostly excited.<br /><br />The only thing I worry about is the stigma of joining a gym. Not that I'll actually be going, but that I <em>won't</em> go. Everyone has a story about joining a gym and giving up and paying ridiculous amounts of money for a membership they never use. I am determined not to be that person. Luckily, Fitness Formula will also let a person join for just a month. That's what I did. I haven't already signed up for a year's membership. I want to, but I also want to prove to myself that I will do this for a month. Hopefully after tomorrow's meeting I will be able to outline some goals for the month, at the end of which I will go for the year membership and some decent workout clothes.<br /><br />Thursday, of course, was also my Weight Watchers meeting. Again, the numbers were not what I wanted them to be. I had gained 1.2 pounds. I can still say that I've lost sixty pounds, but I have officially gained four weeks out of the past five. After the meeting, I was pretty upset with myself. I think it was the first time I've cried about this thing. (Okay, maybe not, but I did cry.) But after talking it through with myself on a silent drive to my parents' house and talking it through with a friend, I'm okay.<br /><br />I am no closer to quitting than ever. The Q word doesn't even compute in my brain. I have had some doubts, though. Like, some (highly stupid) part of me will start to think that maybe this is all I can do, that maybe I've lost all the weight I can lose. I know that's a lie. I just have to problem solve. I can see the choices I've made, good and bad, and thankfully, I can see the results. Now my actions should reflect that.<br /><br />I am sort of glad that I had a gain on Thursday. It was a reminder that I made the right decision by taking steps toward becoming more active and fit.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-58491344590404397062010-06-28T12:07:00.003-05:002010-06-28T12:59:24.771-05:00The guilt wagon.I'm really good at spending so much time <em>thinking</em> about doing something that I have myself convinced that I am actually <em>doing</em> whatever it is.<br /><br />I've done this with writing. Every now and then I go on these mental tangents during which I am convinced I have a writer trapped inside me. I think about writing books. I read books about writing. I even come up with writing schedules for myself. But do I write? Um, not really.<br /><br />It has happened with reading, too. Big plans to read lots of books. Or going to graduate school.<br /><br />The list goes on.<br /><br />The truth, though, is that I am not really doing those things. As much as I think I want to, there's very little action taken to achieve these goals.<br /><br />I'm working on becoming an active person. Yes, yes, the health and fitness thing, too, but that's not exactly what I mean. Though that is definitely related. I mean to say that I want to be the kind of person who chooses action over inaction. I'm pretty sure I'm the kind of person that people routinely want to grab by the shoulders, shake, and say, "Stop talking about it and just do it!"<br /><br />Now, I have to admit that I have done very well at doing the actions necessary to get this weight-loss journey going. I didn't sit around and hem and haw about this one. I just did it. (Okay, so maybe I had sat around hemming and hawing for a decade or so. Whatever.) Six months ago, I decided that I <em>could</em> do this, and I started making good eating choices.<br /><br />Sixty pounds later, I'm starting to see an old habit forming. These days, I feel like I'm thinking and talking about this lifestyle change more than I'm actually doing it. Granted, I <em>am</em> making better choices than I would have six months ago. I'm eating healthier and eating less. I think before I eat. I have formed great habits.<br /><br />But I see them crumbling a little bit. My resolve is slipping. I make bad choices. The only difference between six months ago and now is that I <em>know</em> I'm making a bad choice when I do. I'm conscious of it. I feel guilt about it.<br /><br />I don't want to be <em>that</em> person who says she's on a diet, but instead of eating well, she shovels in the unhealthy stuff all the while saying, "I really shouldn't be eating this."<br /><br />That is incredibly obnoxious.<br /><br />But that's who I've felt like lately. And it occurred to me yesterday that it's the very same as talking about doing something, but not actually doing it, like writing. Those days when I fall off the wagon and talk about getting back on it? I'm really just off the wagon, as much as I like to visualize myself on it.<br /><br />I don't want to be on a diet, though. I don't want to be on a wagon. That's where the guilt comes from. I don't want to feel guilty for making bad choices. It seems silly.<br /><br />I have to forgive myself and move on. I have to look back at what I've accomplished so far, which is a lot, and realize that I can do better than this wallowing. I am better than this. I have to grab <em>myself</em> by the shoulders, shake, and say, "Stop talking about it and just do it!"<br /><br /><em>Side note: Jack over at <a href="http://jackfit.blogspot.com/">Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit</a> is an awesome (entertaining, inspirational, hilarious, truthful) blogger, and <a href="http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-have-question-for-you.html">today's post</a> may or may not have something to do with my own.</em>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-32386659955699002572010-06-24T20:55:00.005-05:002010-06-24T21:35:10.440-05:00Start ramble.I woke up at 7:30 and went to the morning Weight Watchers meeting. My meeting is at a local church, and the afternoon meeting wasn't held this week because of VBS. I saw one guy I know at weigh-in. I was surprised that I was the only person from our group that came for the meeting. I guess people have real lives and can't just hang out for a morning meeting. Anyway, nothing <em>against</em> these morning people, but I much prefer the afternoon meeting. We're a lot more boisterous, and well, we are a family. Maybe that's too strong of a word. But I feel like my afternoon people care about me, and I care about them. I missed them today.<br /><br />I missed them asking how I did on the scale. (Up 1.6 pounds.) I missed them telling me it's okay. (So I told myself.)<br /><br />I'm not exactly sure why I gained this week, but I'm not surprised, really. I definitely stayed within my points, but I don't think I made the best choices. It was one of those hungry weeks. I ate and ate and ate and was never satisfied. I ate lots of chips this week. It's time to make friends with filling (high fiber) foods again.<br /><br />And I don't know what is up with the getting up in the middle of the night and eating thing. I mean, I tracked whatever I ate, but it's not healthy or characteristic of me.<br /><br />I went grocery shopping after the meeting. Lots of fruits and vegetables. I bought a whole pineapple! Such a better deal than buying the already-cut stuff. Cheaper and more fruit, albeit a pain in the butt to cut up. Also trying to rekindle my love of bell peppers. The yellow ones are so sweet. And nectarines! There's nothing like a ripe nectarine.<br /><br />I have to start cooking more and eating fresh produce. That <em>should</em> be easy considering it's summer. I've just been lazy.<br /><br />I'm also trying to move more. It's been too hot to do anything outside. As if I would have anyway... So I've been trying to get at least 30 minutes in on the Wii Fit each day. Rhythm Boxing is where it's at. Haven't done that yet today, but the day's not over.<br /><br />I've really been slacking on the water intake. I have been drinking way too much soda. Yeah, it's diet and all, but I <em>need</em> water.<br /><br />Okay, so this has just been a jumble. Let's recap in the form of a bulleted list of goals:<br /><ul><li>Drink less pop and more water.</li><li>Eat more fruits and vegetables.</li><li>Get 30 minutes of activity in each day.</li><li>Cook some new recipes.</li><li>Track everything.</li></ul><p>I need more specific goals, don't I?</p><p>Some victories:</p><ul><li>I went canoeing last weekend. It's nice being semi-active and doing things that I wouldn't have imagined myself doing before.</li><li>I bought a pair of size 20 jeans! This is super exciting.</li><li>I successfully fought off an eat-because-I'm-bored moment the other day by knitting. I'm working on super-simple baby blanket for the new baby in the family.</li></ul><p>End ramble.</p>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-9934498997380514992010-06-18T16:59:00.006-05:002010-06-18T18:53:14.855-05:00Compare and contrast.I have a hard time <em>seeing</em> the change in my body as I lose weight. Other people can see it, but I just can't. I can <em>feel</em> it. It's hard to deny that when I can take off some of my jeans without even unbuttoning them. (Yes, it's time to go jean shopping.) When I did some sun salutations on the Wii today, I noticed how much easier it was to touch my toes than when I first started doing them. But when I look in the mirror, I just see me. The same me I see every day.<br /><br /><br /><br />Today, though, I had to get a new driver's license. (Something about having moved to a different county and also registering a new vehicle. Yadda yadda.) I was all prepared. I was going to tell them my real weight, even though I know they don't print it on the license anymore and even though my actual current weight is about the same as my false previous weight. I also had enough foresight to snap a picture of the old license before I handed it over to the lady behind the desk.<br /><br /><br /><br />She didn't ask for my weight, though, because the license wasn't actually expired. My new one is just a duplicate for the new county, she said. When she threw out the word <em>duplicate</em>, I was afraid I wasn't going to get to take a new picture. I was about to ask if I could take a new one when she prompted me to sit down in front of the camera.<br /><br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 162px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484243725103293810" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdemV8voTLcg7FoWY7K_-djBkFLnH5ExOkGaML1Ta7iAim3QNAdcXozZ8O6MkfRqBbKZDjkFpjZsAs0fcWHoneu-krEsb_pRFfYLM6Mv_zse4u6LGp0nTtEaZ_T8UFSa891yd5Jg/s320/license+then+and+now.JPG" /><br /><br /><br /><br />So, uh, yeah. I can see what people mean. There is definitely a difference.<br /><br /><br />I can also see that I am still no good at smiling for pictures.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-80036488356796640812010-06-17T19:26:00.005-05:002010-06-17T21:05:02.039-05:00Uh, did I do that?I'm not really sure how this happens. I go for a couple of weeks, barely losing weight or (more recently) gaining a bit, and then bam! I lose an ungodly amount in one week. When I weighed in today, I'd lost 8.2 pounds. I have never lost that much in one week, not even that first week when I lost seven-something. Maybe I should be excited, and overall, I am. I have now lost 64.2 pounds. (Holy crap, that's awesome! Like, more than 20% of my starting weight!) I don't want to seem ungrateful to myself or the program, but these drastic drops in weight freak me out a little. It's not supposed to happen like this, is it?<br /><br />I am not depriving myself. Most days I eat close to, if not all of or more than, my daily points target. This week, I ate almost all of my 35 extra weekly points, thanks to my misbehavior at a friend's True Blood premier party. I ate out almost every day, some days twice. I have done practically no physical activity, unless you count that one little Wii Fit session this afternoon. That sounds like a week that should result in a loss of a pound, maybe two. But eight?!<br /><br />I don't know. I'm not yo-yoing, so I guess that's healthy. My mom suggested that it might just be a big boost after a plateau. Maybe. This wasn't really a plateau, though, was it? It wasn't like I was doing everything right and my body refused to budge. I just spent a week trying to act better. Maybe this is my body's reward, and next week, maybe the change won't be so drastic.<br /><br />Something I'm thinking about: When I calculate my daily points target, it asks if I spend most of the day sitting, standing, etc. When school was in session, I always marked that I stand most of the day. Now that summer's here, I am certainly lounging around more than anything else. Guess I should change my answer to that activity question, huh? The thing is, though, that would result in my previously having 33 daily points to now having 30 daily points. I lost one point because of the weight change, and then they would take two points away because I'm not as active. Something tells me that lowering my points that quickly isn't a good idea. Maybe I should just drop to 32 this week and see how it goes.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-27410142883193046892010-06-15T21:29:00.005-05:002010-06-15T21:59:32.665-05:00My biggest challenge yet.Summer.<br /><br />For me, it officially started on June 2, almost two weeks ago. That's when life lost all semblance of structure or routine, and I promptly lost the ability to discern what day of the week it is. I don't think it is a coincidence that, for the past two weeks, I've gained weight.<br /><br />Two pounds.<br /><br />I know two pounds is not much. I know. But it's not the right direction the scale is supposed to be going. And really, it's not about the scale. It's my attitude. For two weeks (or more, if I'm honest), I have cut loose. Maybe I've gotten cocky. There have been too many things to celebrate (really?), too many outings that I've let go unmonitored (why?!). I didn't track the entirety of Memorial Day weekend. FOUR DAYS. What has gotten into me?<br /><br />And I know that people say I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But here's the thing: I am an excuse maker. This is something I know about myself. I can talk myself into or out of (usually out of) anything. And if I let myself make an excuse for one thing (event, person, meal), I am going to let myself make an excuse for every other thing. And the next thing I'll know, I will have excused myself from 365 days' worth of healthy behavior. Because there are an infinite number of excuses in my arsenal, and no day is immune.<br /><br />So this week, I have been trying to cut back on the excuses. I haven't exactly succeeded each day, but I am doing better. I am trying to reestablish a little bit of structure and routine. I am learning to say <em>no</em>. I am tracking everything, every day. I am realizing that I need (and have) friends who don't help me make excuses for myself, and I am grateful for them.<br /><br />I want to be healthy all of the time. Not just when it's easy or convenient or just an ordinary day. See, there's something I'm starting to realize: There's no such thing as just an ordinary day.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-14043376750868096852010-05-12T18:15:00.003-05:002010-05-12T18:41:54.627-05:00Hit and miss.<div><strong>Miss.</strong> Week before last, I missed a Weight Watchers meeting for the first time ever. As a teacher, I'm obligated to work three athletic events during the school year, and I was scheduled for a softball game that night. I did <em>not</em> like missing the meeting, but...</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>Hit.</strong> When I returned last week, I had lost seven pounds. Seven pounds! Crazy. But it was definitely nice to know that I could hang in there without being dependent on the meeting. I'm not tempted to go rogue or anything, but my independent success was comforting.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>Hit.</strong> The fifty-pound mark! I'm there! Or at least I was there last week. Very excited and somewhat flabbergasted by this milestone. That night at the meeting during the "awards" segment, I racked up two five-pound stars, a fifty-pound charm, <em>and</em> my 16-week Stay and Succeed charm. Woohoo!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>Miss.</strong> So I started out so well with the whole Couch to 5K thing. That's probably what accelerated my loss. The first week of C25K, during which you're supposed to run a minute and walk a minute and a half, I didn't ever get to the point where I could run the minute every time. I decided to do Week 1 all over again, and as I progressed through the week, my stamina grew. By the end of the workout on Wednesday, I just <em>knew</em> I'd be able to do it Friday. On Friday, I got halfway through the workout and bombed. I couldn't go on, or so I told myself. I dragged my butt into the house and crashed on the living room floor under the ceiling fan, sweating and huffing and puffing. That was over a week ago. I haven't been back out since. Yeah, I know. I'll put that on my list.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong>Hit.</strong> I hate shopping. I've had very few pleasant shopping experiences in my life. Until last weekend. Turns out, Kohl's in my friend. I found teacher pants that fit! A size or two smaller! So now I don't have to look like a clown. I also found some really cute tops. A size smaller! And y'all, I bought dresses. Like, several of them. One of which I wore just the other night to see <a href="http://www.avenueq.com/">Avenue Q</a>. I admit, I thought I looked so cute I had to take a gas-station-restroom self portrait.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470531807167970194" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4v-VjhrNntD_UCdbpPgPvlBPWGz6wUG7y7E_YYavgxPpK1RfGZIdXpqMAMIhN7CX_WIulERdwkA4Y1WdR5EHe92pOkALKvW68i2m1DeEx7g9lrFsL32dFLKaLJo5n6V1fQKEiVw/s320/green+dress.jpg" /><br /><div><strong>Miss.</strong> Yeah, I'm doing a <em>fantastic</em> job of keeping this blog updated regularly. Maybe someday.</div>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-10243607751479676352010-04-22T21:37:00.003-05:002010-04-22T22:11:22.075-05:00Some successes.I recuperated my loss this week. Or my gain. Um, yeah. I gained .8 pounds last week, but this week I lost 1.8. I call that a success.<br /><br />Speaking of successes, I have finished two days of the <a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/">Couch to 5K</a> program. That means I'm running. Okay, jogging. Okay, mostly walking. But I'm definitely moving. I'm a little scared to do the third day's workout because that means I'll have finished Week 1, and then it'll be Week 2. Part of me thinks we (Sarah and I) should do Week 1 again. I guess we'll see how Day 3 goes.<br /><br />I can't believe I'm doing this. Running, or hopefully someday running. I never thought it'd be an activity I'd care anything about. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it just yet, but as I was telling a friend, I can really get my head around walking / running / jogging because it doesn't require specialized equipment (really) or a membership. It's adaptable to different environments, so there are very few excuses to be made for not running. Although I'm sure I'll come up with a few. Right now, I'd say my most likely excuse is fear of the program, that it'll progress too quickly for me. That's ridiculous, though. As Sarah and I discussed when we decided to walk one of the jogging intervals yesterday, we're not doing this to impress anyone. We're doing this for ourselves. So if I do need to repeat Week 1 before moving on, so be it.<br /><br />In other news:<br /><ul><li>I'm still drinking mostly water. I still don't think I'm drinking enough. I'm probably only getting two liters in on a good day, maybe more. I can tell that the running has made me thirstier, though. </li><li>I'm also upping my fruits and vegetables. Petite baby carrots are awesome.</li><li>I'm going to try Almond Breeze as a milk alternative. Not that I've been having trouble with milk. Just thought I'd branch out.</li><li>I've been tracking all of my food and activity points.</li><li>My clothes are about to fall off. Seriously. I need to go shopping, but I don't know how to shop economically for transition clothes.</li><li>I did take my measurements a few days ago. Maybe I don't know what I'm doing, but the inches really aren't all that different than they were when I started. But that can't be right. See previous bullet.</li><li>I love love love Eggo Nutrigrain Low-Fat waffles for breakfast. Due to the Eggo shortage, it's been sort of difficult to get my hands on them. I've been without them for, like, two weeks now. Tonight, though, Kroger had them so I bought two boxes. Jackpot!</li></ul><p>Okay, I need to go pack my lunch. Lately, I've been taking turkey and cheese (Laughing Cow!) on a sandwich thin and barbecue Baked Lays. I've added the carrots. I've been taking a Weight Watchers mini red velvet bar (one point), but I ran out today and decided to nix it. I also take an orange every day to eat during my planning period. Except today, there was a planning period meeting and it just didn't happen. I'm taking it back tomorrow.</p><p>P.S. Is it just me, or would it be nice if I blogged about something <em>besides</em> my weight, physical activity, and eating habits? Yeah, I thought so.</p>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-36519731986224571542010-04-15T19:35:00.003-05:002010-04-15T19:59:24.180-05:00A mole hill.So it happened when I weighed in today.<br /><br />I'd gained.<br /><br />I know it's just .8 pounds, but it is a gain. I mean, I knew it was coming. There's no such thing as not having a setback or plateau. I just wasn't expecting it this week. I wouldn't have been surprised by a gain the past few weeks, but this week, I felt like I really had it together. I exercised a few times, which is a few times more than usual. I really stuck to water. And I've tracked the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the truth is that, after the insanity of this past weekend, there really hasn't been any ugly. In other words, I've been doing a pretty good job meeting the challenges I set for myself this week.<br /><br />That's why I was surprised by the gain.<br /><br />But I need to reevaluate. I need to realize that the surprise should be that I didn't have a gain sooner. After last week's unexpected five-pound loss, I think I can handle this tiny gain. After all, I've kept off most of those five pounds. Even after some really poor eating choices over the weekend. A realistic weigh-in is what I needed, now that I think about it. A reminder that I have to work for this.<br /><br />So that's my goal now. Just to stick with it. To keep on keeping on. I don't want to fall into a negative mindset, and I know I'm vulnerable. Part of me thinks that I tried to make positive changes and it availed nothing. But it's just one week. Less than, really. It's not like drinking water and being active <em>caused</em> the gain.<br /><br />When I got home from the meeting, I ate dinner -- leftover Chicken Enchilada Casserole from the new <u>Hungry Girl 1-2-3</u> cookbook, which I will have to discuss later. I tracked it. I went for a walk. I filled up my water bottle.<br /><br />I feel good about this.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-48942851033128977712010-04-11T19:19:00.004-05:002010-04-11T19:40:29.938-05:00Three challenges.<strong>Tracking.</strong> I am doing my darnedest to track everything I eat, even if I don't like what it does to the numbers. After eating festival food yesterday, things are ugly. But that's okay. I now know that I've blown all of my "flex" points. And then some. So I need to earn some activity points to get out of the red. I keep telling myself that the ugly truth is better lying to myself. It's more productive anyway.<br /><br /><strong>Activity.</strong> We really hammered on getting activity in last week. I know I've got to get with it. Luckily, Weight Watchers is doing a <a href="http://www.blogger.com/weightwatchers.com/walkit">Walk-It Challenge</a>, the goal of which is to walk a 5K on or by June 6. That doesn't really seem like a big deal. It's 3.1 miles. Big whoop. But that's no excuse not to do it. So today I started a six-week training plan to work my way up to a 5k walk. It starts with just ten minutes a day and gradually adds minutes. Today was just too beautiful, so I took a walk around the neighborhood, which turns out to be a nice place for walking. Here's to getting out there again tomorrow -- and five days a week for six more weeks. Hopefully longer. But let's just take it one day at a time, shall we?<br /><br /><strong>Water.</strong> I have been chugging way too much pop. Soda. Coke. Whatever you call it. Granted, it has all been diet, but even though it's calorie-free, it can't be good for me. When I woke up this morning, I knew what I had to do. I've gone all day and had only water, except for that first sip of Diet Sunkist I took when I knew I had to change my ways. I'm not swearing off everything except water, but I need to make it my go-to thirst-quencher. We'll see how this goes.<br /><br />I hope I'm not biting off more than I can chew in the way of challenging myself, but all three of these changes seem necessary at this point.<br /><br />Some exciting developments: I have officially lost over 40 pounds, which means I'm in the 250s. That means I'll soon be under 250. This loss total has affected me emotionally more than any other yet. I haven't cried, though. Something tells me the waterworks will spring when I hit that 50-pound mark. Oh, and I bought a pair of size 22 pants for work this weekend. (On sale, of course. 50% off!) I know that size doesn't sound very exciting, but I honestly don't know when I last wore a pair of pants that size. I will definitely be rocking them this week.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-79939314015944397062010-04-07T14:02:00.003-05:002010-04-07T14:26:32.830-05:00In the thick of it.The last time I wrote was February 21? Oops. Yeah, I knew from the get-go I wasn't going to be good at this blogging thing.<br /><br />Good thing I've been doing a much better job with the whole Weight Watchers thing, eh?<br /><br />This is my twelfth week with the program. As of last Thursday, I'd lost 37.4 pounds. The website has finally stopped telling me I'm losing too quickly because, at the last two weigh-ins, I lost a combined total of one pound. Once it was -.4 and another it was -.6. I was okay with both of those numbers because I was certain I would have a gain each time. And I'm not going to lie, I don't expect much progress this week either.<br /><br />I don't want to be negative. Really. I'm just trying to be realistic. Over the past few weeks (or the whole month, really), I've struggled to stick with the plan on weekends. I have gone a whole day without tracking my points. In a way, I feel like that's somewhat healthy, that I can function without plugging in numbers. The truth, though, is that I don't plug in the numbers because I know it's going to be ugly. As if not recording it means it never happened. Yeah, right.<br /><br />If I want to be realistic, I have to take the bad with the good. Ignoring the bad won't make it go away. That should be my goal this week. Track what I eat, no matter what it is. Face the facts.<br /><br />All this means that I'm in the thick of it now. I think the easy, puppy-love part of this is over. I now know what it's like to feel like I've messed up completely. But I also know what it's like to feel like I'm finally getting somewhere.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-45913153087091445152010-02-21T14:49:00.002-06:002010-02-21T14:55:45.766-06:00Slump.<p class="MsoNormal">So I haven't checked in as much as I would have liked to. <span style=""> </span>This is the end of the trimester, and things are crazy. <span style=""> </span>It's hard to find time to do anything, much less blog and pull my hair out as I try to get it to upload on a 19 kbps connection.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Grocery shopping and cooking have gone out the window, too. <span style=""> </span>I was doing a really good job of preparing breakfast and lunch the night before to ensure that I was eating a variety of foods that I liked. <span style=""> </span>I was having different kinds of fruit smoothies each morning and interesting salads and sides at lunch. <span style=""> </span>It was good.<span style=""> </span>I was enjoying myself.<span style=""> </span>Now, I'm pouring a boring bowl of Total raisin bran for breakfast and getting burned out on hot dogs for lunch. <span style=""> </span>I know it's time to spice things up, but it takes time.<span style=""> </span>Time that, for one reason or another, I can't find.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I'm in a slump.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Not a weight-loss slump, though.<span style=""> </span>As of last Thursday, I've lost 19 pounds. <span style=""> </span>That's almost twenty whole pounds!<span style=""> </span>I can feel it in my clothes. <span style=""> </span>I'm switching out baggier jeans for better-fitting ones. <span style=""> </span>Students have even asked if I'm losing weight.<span style=""> </span>I am.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Maybe too much.<span style=""> </span>Okay, let me rephrase that. <span style=""> </span>I'm not in any kind of danger of being underweight, that's for sure. <span style=""> </span>But last week, when I entered my loss into the website, it told me I was losing weight too quickly. <span style=""> </span>That I needed to slow my loss.<span style=""> </span>Something about health concerns, irregular heartbeats, yadda yadda.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I'm not going to lie.<span style=""> </span>That was sort of discouraging.<span style=""> </span>I mean, can't I do anything right? <span style=""> </span>That's what I'm asking myself.<span style=""> </span>I know, though, that the faster I lose, the faster it could come back. <span style=""> </span>And heaven knows I don't want it to come back.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">That week, <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Nancy</st1:place></st1:City> asked us if we ate one meal a week where we didn't worry about points. <span style=""> </span>Again, there were a lot of people nodding, but not me.<span style=""> </span>That's when Sarah threatened to whack me in the head and then said something about deserving to enjoy myself every once in a while. <span style=""> </span>Or something like that.<span style=""> </span>But the truth is that I <i style="">was</i> enjoying myself.<span style=""> </span>But I also knew that I was losing weight a little too quickly, so I thought I would try out the no-rules weekly meal.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I tried it, but I'm not sure if that helped.<span style=""> Me </span>I still lost 1.4 last week, but I just didn't feel good about my progress. <span style=""> </span>I was proud of the loss, but the week's behavior didn't feel very healthy.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I'm losing enthusiasm, and I'm worried. <span style=""></span>I know it's irrational, but I'm starting to doubt if I'll ever be at a healthy weight.<span style=""> </span>I know that there will be a plateau soon, and I'm scared that I won't be able to push through it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Today, the road seems longer than ever, and pulling off completely to go through the window at McDonald's has never been so tempting. <span style=""> </span>Damn that singing fish.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">A small victory:<span style=""> </span>I tried on clothes in a dressing room without having a total meltdown. <span style=""> </span>I even tried on a bathing suit top and was able to envision a time when I might be able to wear it.<span style=""> </span>It was cute.</i></p>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-67068175541907242612010-02-10T17:03:00.002-06:002010-02-10T17:29:42.111-06:00Thirty seven points.<p class="MsoNormal">I like counting points.<span style=""> </span>This surprised me.<span style=""> </span>I've heard people complain about the point-counting in the past as if it were the worst thing ever.<span style=""> </span>Even at the first meeting, our leader was discussing tracking, which is what the counting is officially called in <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Weight</st1:placename> <st1:placename st="on">Watchers</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">Land</st1:placetype></st1:place>, and several members expressed frustration with the process, that they didn't like it or that they would always forget to do it.<span style=""> </span>Needless to say, I was a little ambivalent about the points going in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But at the same time, I figured it would be the points that would help me.<span style=""> </span>It would give me a guide for healthy eating and portion sizes.<span style=""> </span>That's exactly why I thought this would work.<span style=""> </span>I didn't dictate exactly what I was eating.<span style=""> </span>(Which is what I define as a diet.<span style=""> </span>It's true:<span style=""> </span>Weight Watchers isn't a diet.<span style=""> </span>It's a tool for lifestyle change.<span style=""> </span>At least that's what it seems like so far.)<span style=""> </span>I just had to follow the points.<span style=""> </span>If I blew 20 points on a large-portioned, high-calorie, high-fat food, so what?<span style=""> </span>I just wouldn't have that many points to eat on later when I got hungry.<span style=""> </span>I have never actually done this, but my understanding of the concept alone has given me an improved decision-making process.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Knowing that many people seem to struggle with the points, I started the very next day diligently managing and budgeting and tracking points to the finest detail.<span style=""> </span>I wouldn't put a bite in my mouth without figuring out the points value (thank God for the iPhone app) and logging it.<span style=""> </span>It became fun, like a puzzle.<span style=""> </span>I make all of these pieces fit together:<span style=""> </span>What can I eat, how much, how filling will it be, and most importantly, how good is it going to taste?<span style=""> </span>Obviously, this takes some planning.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Four weeks in, I'm finding that I'm not as insane about the points now as I was in the beginning.<span style=""> </span>It's not that I'm not tracking because I am, but I have a pretty good idea about what I should and shouldn't be eating.<span style=""> </span>And of course, I know the point values of the foods I eat regularly.<span style=""> </span>So I feel comfortable tracking after I've eaten the meal, but not too long after or I will forget.<span style=""> </span>I've only accidentally gone over my daily points once, and that was because it was weigh-in day.<span style=""> </span>I was still operating on a 38-point day, and since I can't log my weight on my phone, I didn't do it until the next day at my work computer.<span style=""> </span>That's when my loss put me in the new points category of 37.<span style=""> </span>But that's no big deal.<span style=""> </span>The program allots everyone an extra 35 weekly points to be used whenever.<span style=""> </span>I haven't really used these yet, and no, they don't roll over.<span style=""> </span>But they are there if I need them.<span style=""> </span>Most days, I actually have a hard time getting all of my points in.<span style=""> </span>I guess that's because, due to my weight, there are just so many of them.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So what do these hypothetical points look like in practice?<span style=""> </span>I'll show you.<span style=""> </span>Even though today is a snow day and I am able to cook at home, this is typical for me.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Breakfast.</b><span style=""> </span>This morning, I made a smoothie.<span style=""> </span>I used to be anti-smoothie.<span style=""> </span>I don't know, they just seem so hip and diety that I they turned me off, but when I got burned out on my Fiber One cereal (Honey Clusters, not the rabbit food-looking one), I had to try something new.<span style=""> </span>By the way, maintaining variety in what I eat has to be one reason that I'm sticking with this so well.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Every smoothie I make has the following ingredients:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1/2 cup plain fat-free yogurt (1 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1/4 cup fat-free milk (1/2 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1/4 no-sugar-added applesauce (1/2 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 medium banana (1 1/2 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Today, my other ingredient was a cup of no-sugar-added frozen sliced strawberries (0 points).<span style=""> </span>I have used a cup of frozen blueberries (1 point), half a fresh mango or 3/4 cup frozen mango chunks (1 point), or a tablespoon of natural peanut butter with flax seed as the flavoring (3 points).<span style=""> </span>It's all good, but I think the frozen mango is my favorite.<span style=""> </span>(The WalMart I went to last didn't have the mango, though.<span style=""> </span>Duly noted.)<span style=""> </span>Also, I am not very good at determining the size of these smoothies.<span style=""> </span>I usually put it in a Solo cup with a sandwich baggie over it and refrigerate for the next day, but like today, I had about a half a cup left over.<span style=""> </span>I refrigerated it later for a snack, which sounds good about right now, and it's nice because the points are already figured in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Fruit smoothies are surprisingly filling, but especially on a work day, I have to drink it with a half-cup of low-fat granola cereal (3 points).<span style=""> </span>Then I'm good to go until lunchtime.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Lunch.<span style=""> </span></b>Lunch has been the most torturous meal of all.<span style=""> </span>I think I've got things sorted, but in the beginning, I couldn't figure out what to take that wasn't totally depressing (those little tuna kits, for example) or time consuming (like the frozen dinners).<span style=""> </span>Thanks to my librarian friend Tammy, I have been introduced to the wonder of 98% fat-free turkey hot dogs and whole grain buns.<span style=""> </span>Just the other day, though, I accidentally discovered the lunch meat magic of Canadian bacon.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" spt="75" preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"> </v:formulas> <v:path extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" connecttype="rect"> <o:lock ext="edit" aspectratio="t"> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:265.5pt;"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\OWNER~1.CAS\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image001.jpg" title="86c161fc"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><br /><!--[endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I took this meal to lunch the other day along with what I call a Fake Olive Garden Salad, and I barely touched the salad.<span style=""> </span>According to the online point tracker, Canadian bacon is one point per slice, but they say the most accurate way to figure points is to use the points calculator.<span style=""> </span>You plug in the calories, fat, and fiber per serving and it gives the value.<span style=""> </span>I <i style="">swear</i>, according to the nutrition facts of LandOFrost Canadian bacon, five slices equals one point.<span style=""> </span>I know!</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v115/cassadiddy4/86c161fc.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 474px; height: 355px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v115/cassadiddy4/86c161fc.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p class="MsoNormal">5 slices Canadian bacon (1 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">5 Zesta whole wheat crackers (1 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 wedge Laughing Cow Light Creamy Swiss Original Flavor Cheese (1 point)</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Spread some cheese on the cracker, fold a slice of the Canadian bacon on top, and voila!<span style=""> </span>I mean, it's really good.<span style=""> </span>I was totally full after the five mini-sandwiches.<span style=""> </span>That was noon, and I'm just now (about 4:00 pm) getting ready for a snack.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">NOTE:<span style=""> </span>Clearly I am not being paid by any of these companies to promote their brands.<span style=""> </span>For the most part, I just buy whatever WalMart or Kroger has for the best price.<span style=""> </span>But let me tell you, Laughing Cow cheese is the best stuff ever.<span style=""> </span>Go.<span style=""> </span>Buy some now and see what I mean.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="">Dinner.</b><span style=""> </span>First of all, before I committed to this program, I ate out five or six nights a week.<span style=""> </span>I am not exaggerating.<span style=""> </span>My family regularly meets for supper at our local family restaurant, where I would usually eat a chicken strip dinner with fries, toast, and sometimes gravy, and about one night a week, I'd do dinner with Sarah after school, a trip that would usually feature the Dairy Queen drive-through window.<span style=""> </span>Now let me say this:<span style=""> </span>All of this could be done in accordance with the Weight Watchers program.<span style=""> </span>It would involve some better choices in food and portion sizes, but I just don't yet have that sort of self-control.<span style=""> </span>If I'm at a restaurant where they serve something I like, that's what I'm going to order, and if the food's there, I'm going to eat it.<span style=""> </span>I will be able to eat out more in time, I know, but now, I have to manage my environment.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I'm learning to cook, thanks to the recipes on the Weight Watchers website and the ones shared at our meetings.<span style=""> </span>There have been some disappointments, for sure.<span style=""> </span>Like the Cheesy Chili Mac, which despite the chili powder and Mexican-style stewed tomatoes had no flavor whatsoever.<span style=""> </span>And I’m still not sure about those yellow-cake-mix-and-pumpkin cupcakes.<span style=""> </span>But there have been some successes.<span style=""> </span>Like the Enchilada Soup.<span style=""> </span>I made this a few weeks ago after copying the recipe from that week's meeting.<span style=""> </span>I made it on a snow day, and it hit the spot.<span style=""> </span>Who cares about the point values here?<span style=""> </span>This soup is good, and that's why I'm having it for supper tonight.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:254.25pt;height:190.5pt'"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\OWNER~1.CAS\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.jpg" title="11d28677"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><br /><!--[endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v115/cassadiddy4/11d28677.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 514px; height: 385px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v115/cassadiddy4/11d28677.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="_x0000_i1026" type="#_x0000_t75" style="'width:254.25pt;height:190.5pt'"> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:\DOCUME~1\OWNER~1.CAS\LOCALS~1\Temp\msohtml1\01\clip_image003.jpg" title="11d28677"> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><br /><!--[endif]--></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">2 cans of 99% fat-free chicken broth</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 1/4 cup celery, chopped</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1/2 cup onion, chopped</p> <p class="MsoNormal">3 cans green enchilada sauce</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 can pumpkin</p> <p class="MsoNormal">10 ounces cooked chicken</p> <p class="MsoNormal">1 cup frozen corn</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i style="">Simmer celery and onion in broth until tender.<span style=""> </span>Stir in enchilada sauce and pumpkin.<span style=""> </span>Return to low boil and add chicken and corn.<span style=""> </span>Cook additional five minutes.<o:p></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I know.<span style=""> </span>Pumpkin?<span style=""> </span>Well, it adds color and thickness.<span style=""> </span>You can't taste it at all.<span style=""> </span>Oh, and the last time I used Tyson frozen "grilled" chicken, but it had a fake grilled flavor that I didn't particularly like.<span style=""> </span>This time I used the oven-roast diced kind. <span style=""> </span>Those bags of frozen chicken have 22 ounces in them, so I just estimate a little under half and freeze the rest.<span style=""> </span>This is way easier that actually cooking the chicken, and something tells me you could use canned or package chicken, too.<span style=""> </span>For the corn, I used two single-serve Birdseye SteamFresh packs of sweet corn.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">One cup of this stuff has a value of two points.<span style=""> </span>I'll probably have two cups throughout the evening.<span style=""> </span>I may be tempted to throw some fiesta cheese on it, but I tell you, it's not necessary.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you've been counting along at home, you will know that I will have only used about fourteen points today.<span style=""> </span>That is way under target and definitely not intentional.<span style=""> </span>I usually eat between 30 and 35.<span style=""> </span>I may have to crack open a can of black beans to go with my soup.<span style=""> </span>And you can always count on my eating chocolate every day.<span style=""> </span>I often have a Betty Crocker Warm Delights Mini Molten Chocolate Cake (3 points) with a cup of milk (2 points).<span style=""> </span>I definitely need to get more fruits and vegetables in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It's a learning process, for sure.<span style=""> </span>The good news is that there is no food police.<span style=""> </span>Right now, it's easy to stay a little under or reach my point target, but hopefully there will come a day when my point target is much lower.<span style=""> </span>It will probably be more challenging to maintain.<span style=""> </span>But it's one day and one week at a time.<span style=""> </span>It's not like I'll walk into my meeting tomorrow and someone will tell me I will only have 20 points from now on.<span style=""> </span>It's a gradual change, and I'll be ready for the changes as they come.</p>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-83297385074796788722010-02-07T16:37:00.003-06:002010-02-07T17:00:24.427-06:00My choice.Another question that Nancy asked on Thursday night went something like this: "Does what happened yesterday have an effect on how well you do today?"<br /><br />I think the implication was that if we had "blown it" one day, were we less likely to "succeed" the next day because we already felt defeated? (I generally hate it when people put words in quotation marks because it's not usually necessarily, but here, I think it is. What does it <em>really</em> mean to screw up or to succeed?) I looked around, and many people nodded their heads. I wasn't nodding. It wasn't that I'm just that darn positive that I don't let my failures affect my actions (or inactions). It's just, well, I hadn't blown it yet. I suppose my previous days <em>were</em> affecting me, but it was because I was doing well. I expected to do well the next day.<br /><br />That's when I knew I had to be careful. I was surprised by how many people seemed to think they messed up frequently. This didn't bode well for me. I'm going to have bad days.<br /><br />Each week when I weigh in (a process I am surprisingly not intimidated by), I am told my loss for the week, given a sort of newsletter that focuses on the week's challenge for everyone on the program, and handed a booklet tailored specifically for my week with the program. The book for week four is <em>Habits of Successful Members</em>. These little books focus on issues that members face as they work through the program and usually include quizzes that help us understand ourselves and the program a little better. It sort of reminds me of takings those quizzes in <em>Seventeen</em> when I was in middle school, except these are much more enlightening. This week, the quiz helped me identify the healthy habits I should work on developing.<br /><br />The results were no surprise, but I find it comforting that the quiz got it spot-on. It said <em>learn from experience</em> and <em>manage your thoughts</em>. These are both things I've known for a long time are struggles for me.<br /><br />Take <em>learn from experience</em> for example. I think this one has a lot to do with worry, in my case. I tend to expect the worse, but what in my experience has shown me that the worst will happen? Nothing. Things turn out okay, as a general rule. Also, I have to look at successes from the past, determine why I was successful, and practice those behaviors. When I do this, I find myself looking back at how my lifestyle was drastically different in Honduras, where I seemingly effortlessly lost over thirty pounds. I drank almost exclusively water. I walked everywhere I went. I ate very lightly, and I'm not sure I had anything fried at all. For example.<br /><br />The managing the thoughts one, on the other hand, seems more relevant right now. I think for most people, though, negative thoughts involve body image. I often read advice saying that you wouldn't look at your friend and tell her that she has a huge butt or a disgusting figure, so why would you say that to yourself? Even I have a hard time believing this, but I don't always have a negative inner monologue when I'm looking in the mirror. Now, put that mirror in a dressing room, and things change a bit. But really, I don't toil over my appearance all that much. My personal inner monologue of negativity is instead about my abilities.<br /><br />Anyone who knows me at all knows that I doubt myself. I have a hard time making even the littlest decisions because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong one. When people make the general statement, "You are your biggest critic," they are actually talking to me. I expect the worse, and even when things turn out okay or even good, I find something about what I did to pick on in hindsight. Like teaching. My students, coworkers, principal, and various observers can tell me all day long that I'm good at my job, that I'm a good teacher, but I don't believe them. I don't know if I will ever believe them. Because as I tell myself, I know better. Either they are just trying to be nice or their standards are lower than mine. I'm <em>that</em> kind of negative.<br /><br />Even after the first week of Weight Watchers when I weighed in and discovered I'd lost over an astounding seven pounds in one week (more than I weighed when I was born), instead of being proud I tried to downplay it by saying that it just goes to show how much I have to lose. Luckily, Sarah set me straight and basically told me to shut up and be proud. I tried.<br /><br />So my big challenge here is believing that I can do this and, even more intimidating, that I can keep it off, because it's not like I’m just trying to lose five pounds to fit into a dress here. While I haven't really had a bad WW experience that has adversely affected the subsequent day, I have a discouraging experience that may impede my overall progress. Remember that weight I lost in Honduras? I gained it all back. Plus some. Which sounds exactly like those stories I hear almost daily about people who lost weight. This is the negativity that keeps nagging at my mind: <em>So what if you lose it? You'll just gain it all back.<br /></em><br />But I have to be realistic. I did not set out to lose that weight in Honduras. It wasn't a choice; it was circumstance. I was changing with my environment by necessity. I'm not very good at imposing imaginary restraints on myself, so once I got home, I couldn't convince myself that water was the only drink available to me, that I didn't have a car to drive, and that there wasn't anything to eat except beans, rice, and some tuna and crackers every now and then. Yes, that's how I had lived for those two months, and obviously, my body changed. But I didn't really choose to be healthier.<br /><br />This, though, is my choice. I am choosing to live healthier. I am working on developing new habits that fit into my lifestyle. My lifestyle is changing when it comes to eating and activity, but I want to make these changes here with the people, places, and thing that I love. Not in some temporary reality.<br /><br />This morning, I slept later than I have slept in a while, probably since I started the program. And again, if you know me, you know I love to sleep late. But when I woke up at 10:30 this morning, I had an immediate feeling of dread, as if I'd blown it yesterday and fully expected the same for today. I was still in that hazy half-sleep, so it didn't even occur to me that I was feeling this way because I'd slept away a chunk of the day and regretted it. Instead, I interpreted it as having failed the program in some way. Yeah, Weight Watchers. What the heck does that have to do with sleeping in a little? I don't know either. At least now I have my wits about me.<br /><br />The truth is that yesterday was a really good day. It was probably the first day that I wasn't constantly aware that I was following a plan, but I did follow it. I spent most of the day with a group of knitters, spinners, and weavers hanging out working with fibers. I had brought my own lunch (a really good chicken and orange salad and my new favorite, Laughing Cow cheese) rather than eating the good-looking food prepared at the convention center, but that was okay. I did not feel deprived. I think it was mostly because I was intentional about eating well, rather than leaving my choices up to circumstance, and I focused on enjoying the day, doing something I love and meeting new people who love it, too. I chose to have a good day. So I did.<br /><br />I am choosing to live healthily. So I will.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-938789518059185522010-02-04T21:51:00.004-06:002010-02-05T14:00:40.780-06:00The longest road.I have been on the Weight Watchers Momentum program for three weeks, and according to <a href="http://twitter.com/pandawithab">Erin</a>, it's time to blog this thing. So here goes.<br /><br />Tonight, our meeting leader Nancy asked the group what our "fed up" moment was. When did we know we couldn't take it anymore? One lady said it was when she had to alternate between two pairs of jeans, washing them every other day, because they were the only ones that fit her. Huh. I've been doing that for <em>years</em>. Heck, I'm down to one pair now. Another said it was when she had a hard time getting up from the floor after playing with the children at the day care where she works. I can definitely identify with the awkward struggle to get to my feet, but it's never been embarrassing enough to spur change.<br /><br />There's no pressure to share during the meetings, which is good, because I couldn't bring myself to say mine, the moment in which I knew I could not gain another pound. The moment when I'd reached my limit. I couldn't say it out loud, but I'm going to write it. Just typing it into this Word document has got my heart racing. Never mind that I'll be copying and pasting it onto blog for all the word, if it so chooses, to see. That will be another hurdle. Anyway.<br /><br />I don't know why I decided to step on my bathroom scales. They've never been my friend. But for some reason and with much trepidation, I did step onto them about two months ago. And when I did, that little red hand -- I kid you not -- swung <em>completely</em> around the dial. All the way from zero to 300.<br /><br />Surely my eyes had deceived me. The little adjustment wheel must've been tampered with. I stepped off, made sure it was set exactly on zero, and stepped back on. No change. Three. Hundred. Pounds. There it is.<br /><br />Okay, maybe I've been in denial. Or maybe all this time I've been under the wrong impression of what 300 pound looks like. But when I envision a 300-pound person, it doesn't match up with what I see in the mirror. I mean, I know I'm fat. I always have been. (Except maybe on the day I was born. That was a very acceptable 7 pounds and one ounce, thank you very much.) It wasn't that I was shocked I had gained the weight. I was never under the impression that I was losing or even holding steady. But me? Weighing 300 pounds? That dark number that is definitely the unspoken barrier between overweight and Fat, with a capital F? Apparently so.<br /><br />So when my teacher friend Sarah came up to chat with me while I was doing my morning hall duty and mentioned that she was going to join Weight Watchers and asked if I would like to join her, I knew what I had to do. She said that, of course, one has to have the right mindset to make this sort of commitment. This is normally where I would hem and haw and say, "I don't know…" Not this time. No. I had already done all the thinking I had to do. I was ready, and here was my opportunity to make a change. The change.<br /><br />Mind you, I've been looking for this opportunity all my life. I've never been a dieter. I did try a Christian weight-loss program for a while when I was in high school and there was that freak accident in which I lost 30-something pounds while in Honduras for two months, but other than that, my life has been a steady weight-gain from Day One. I've always been too skeptical of diets and programs that I know aren't going to become lifestyles. I mean, who's going to eat only grapefruit every day for the rest of her life or never eat bread or potatoes again? Not me, that's for sure. Why try if I know beforehand that it won't be for real? You may go ahead and translate my skepticism as an excuse for laziness. Even if those so-called plans don't really work, it's not okay to pack on pounds day in and day out like I have for 26 years. So I admit it. My logic wasn't altogether flawless, but I did have a point.<br /><br />In Weight Watchers, though, I've found something I think I can handle. This is just three weeks in, so I know the program and I are still in the honeymoon phase. I know things will get more challenging. I am learning, though, and that's everything. I’m learning to see food differently, to make better choices, to cook, for heaven's sake! (Talk about giving a man a fish and feeding him for a day versus teaching him to fish and feeding him for a lifetime.) I also know that I need to learn to see myself differently. That's where I need the most work.<br /><br />So I know I've made a big deal about the number 300 (300.6 to be exact, according to my Week 1 weigh-in), but as my friend <a href="http://twitter.com/evvashtangi">Jenny </a>frequently tags her tweets: I am not my weight. If and when I lose the pounds I need to lose, I will still be me. Being thinner will not make me a better human being. Being heavier than I am now will not make me an unworthy person. But what I've decided is this: I may not be my weight, but my weight reflects the way I see myself. If I care about myself -- because if I don't, who will? -- I cannot treat my body the way I have been. This unhealthy and uncomfortable state I've gotten myself in shows how little <em>good</em> I've expected for myself. And I'm learning that I have to expect good things in my life. Again, if I don't expect them, who will?<br /><br /><br />Stay tuned to read more about where I've come from, where I'm going, and most importantly, where I am. I will have successes, failures, revelations, breakdowns, and certainly oodles of stories about navigating the POINTS system, learning to cook, and getting active.<br /><br />It's going to be a long road, but if I've learned anything from experience, life is about the journey. I'm not looking for shortcuts.<br /><br /><em>Today's victory: I found out that I lost 2.6 pounds this week for a total of 11.4. That means I earned my second 5-pound loss sticker. I now weight 289.2, which puts my new daily POINTS target at 37.</em>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-72812112772119265012009-04-27T15:23:00.000-05:002009-04-27T15:24:26.856-05:00Afternoon DetentionI have D-Hall duty.<br>As if it's my punishment.<br>There are 7 kids in here.<br>2 reading books.<br>One boy has his lit book out.<br>2 girls seem to be writing notes.<br>One is doing her homework.<p>Then there's this kid in the back who looks like Stephen King.<br>Clearly his first D-Hall.<br>He's just staring, looking around.<br>Space.<br>Ceiling.<br>Blank TV.<br>The girl next to him (homework girl) who probably thinks he's a creeper.<p>His name was just called over the PA.<br>His ride is waiting out back.<br>So he got up and left.<br>Clearly doesn't understand how detention works.<p>The other kids know.<br>Spaced evenly throughout the room.<br>No one talks,<br>No one sleeps.<br>They are surprised when I say,<br>"You can go."<p>This is not punishment.<br>This is quiet time.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-22010927916109130962009-04-21T14:21:00.003-05:002009-04-22T14:07:09.912-05:00Professional development.After three months of bloglessness, I reappeared here last night. It heralded what was, in my mind, the beginning of a series called <em>Bound and Determined</em>, in which I try to read one of my purchased-but-as-of-yet-unread books weekly and then blog about it. So I introduced the concept, prattled on about <u>Birdwing</u> (which I read during the ice storm), and then went to bed. After sleeping on it, I made a decision.<br /><br />Actually, my first decision upon waking (which, interestingly, turns out to be after getting out of the shower and eating breakfast) was not to go to work. My stomach did (and does) not feel right at all, and well, it didn't take much arm-twisting to get me to log onto the help-I-need-a-substitute! website and unplug the curling iron.<br /><br />Then, after making a nest in the living room, I made this other decision. Instead of just a series, I turned <em>Bound and Determined</em> into its own blog. I've done this before. And by <em>this</em>, I mean both starting up a new project blog on a whim and starting up a reading blog. I do not have a good track record here, but you never know when I just might stick with something.<br /><br />Plus, and this is where I'm really honest, I am way too impressed with myself for coming up with the multi-faceted title. I mean, <em>bound</em>? Like books. And <em>determined</em>? Because I am and the whole point of writing the blog is to keep myself motivated. Okay, I'll stop patting myself on the back, but you gotta admit… But of course, I did some research, and I'm not totally original here. <em>Bound and Determined</em> is also the name of a few other blogs and a work of erotica. It's a cliché, unique only in its redundancy. Whatever.<br /><br />I have to admit that I'm jumping the gun a little. I've already acknowledged my paper-thin willpower. Ha, I haven't even written about a second book yet. And I have over thirty – thirty! – other books on my list. The sheer magnitude of the list alone is enough to defeat me. Some accountability can't hurt.<br /><br />I'm not going to pretend that I'm not doing this because I want to be a librarian. Obviously, I am. Books and reading are what I love, but I have a lot of work to do if I honestly want to consider myself "knowledgeable about current children's and young adult literature". It's professional development.<br /><br />Follow me as I develop professionally at <a href="http://determinedtoread.blogspot.com/">http://determinedtoread.blogspot.com/</a>. And join in the discussion. Ask questions. Make reading recommendations. Let me know if you have read / want to read / don't want to read the book I'm reading.<br /><br />I've recently decided that books are only important because they connect us with other people. If I can't share the experience or knowledge or insight that I gain from a book, what's the point in reading it?Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-39787035329017812022009-04-20T21:45:00.005-05:002009-04-20T22:30:57.460-05:00Bound and determined.<p>I have a problem. I cannot stop buying books.<br /><br />Once after acknowledging our similarly overflowing bookshelves, <a href="http://niazkhadem.blogspot.com/">Niaz </a>and I half formed a pact in which we vowed to allow ourselves to buy only one new book after reading three already-purchased ones. That sounded nice, didn't it? A good way not only to get through my ever-lengthening reading list, but also to give my bank account a break. I don't know about him, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he too surrendered like I did to the siren song of bookstores. I think I read one whole book before going to Barnes & Noble and buying enough books to make my 10%-off Member Card worth the membership fee.<br /><br />I have never been good with resolutions – New Year's or otherwise – and it's becoming increasingly apparent that I might have an addictive personality. This probably explains the almost-one-hundred dollars I dropped at the <a href="http://www.sokybookfest.org/">Southern Kentucky Book Fest</a> in Bowling Green on Saturday. While unpacking from the weekend last night, I somewhat proudly and somewhat ashamedly added seven or eight freshly-bound books to my collection, dividing them up among the large bookcase, the small unofficial YA shelf, and the stool-turned-nightstand beside my bed. I stepped back, surveyed the situation, and one thing was abundantly clear: It's time to rededicate myself to the not-a-resolution I considered back in February.<br /><br />I refused to make it public then because I'm fairly convinced that telling other people about my goals has approximately the same effect on my progress as high school sweethearts professing their love to one another via a yearbook ad has on their relationship's longevity. The endeavor is doomed before the intentions are even published.<br /><br />So I knowingly enter into this with great trepidation, but here it is: My goal is to read one book a week. To an average reading adult, this seems doable, but in the two months since I half-heartedly began, I've finished three books. (Time to buy more?! Okay, so I've already taken care of that. Plus, I've decided not to impose a book-buying embargo on myself because I learned long ago that I'm too smart – er, weak – to fall for my own fictitious rules and deadlines.) I can blame in on the lifestyle of being a new teacher, but let's face reality. The height of the book-stacks has reached mountainous, and intervention is critical.<br /><br />I'm bound and determined to scale this constantly growing mountain. And I'm taking you with me.<br /></p><p><br /><strong><u>Birdwing</u> by Rafe Martin<br /></strong><br />I have a feeling that even if the plot of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Birdwing-Rafe-Martin/dp/0439211689/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240282101&sr=8-1">this fairy tale </a>had been disappointing, I would have still loved it despite itself. Luckily, the coming-of-age adventure of Prince Ardwin did not disappoint. I had not expected that a winged boy would become the one character in all of literature with whom I most identify.<br /><br /><a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51YK470DB7L._SL500_AA240_.jpg"><img style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51YK470DB7L._SL500_AA240_.jpg" border="0" /></a>This is one of the many books that I've purchased because of its attractive cover, even though I later learned that the artist's rendering of the protagonist, the one-armed-one-winged Ardwin, is inaccurate. (<em>No, the wing is on his</em> other <em>left</em>, I'd say.) I picked it up at the Scholastic Book Fair that the book club sponsored in the library at school. I mean, I had to buy books to support the student organization, right?</p><br /><p>Not surprisingly, though, the book landed on my bookshelf unread until a month or so later when Victoria asked me for reading recommendations and I, despite having read the book, suggested it. She and I once had a tryst with the Brothers Grimm, and this story reimagines and expands the Grimm's tale "The Six Swans". Seemed like a match. She took it, read it, loved it, and foisted it back at me so that I could read and love it, too. Done and done.<br /><br />Rafe Martin's writing style drew me in immediately, and I suspect it would carry me through an even poorly spun yarn. The tale is written in prose, but it is nothing short of lyrical. Martin is fond of alliterative and original adjective pairs, prepositional possession, intriguing names, and weighty nouns and verbs. His characterization is vivid and his setting is timeless in the way that the realms of the best legends are. The cast line-up is full of archetypes (orphans, evil step-mothers, and wizened wizards), but Martin develops them into a unique humanity despite their otherworldliness. The themes of love, loss, betrayal, and belonging are worked out with heartbreaking and redemptive reality.<br /><br /><u>Birdwing</u>'s narrator is omniscient, which explains my frustration with the thought processes and choices of Ardwin, the young hero. The reader is far more enlightened about reality and its consequences than he, so the attempt at dramatic irony sometimes fails because the plot twists are apparent to the reader long before the twists occur. This makes Ardwin seem very naïve, but this may just be part of the tale's theme. This youthful naivety juxtaposes nicely with the young man at the end of the novel.<br /><br />I would have loved this book no matter what because I am a sucker for a nicely turned phrase, but <u>Birdwing</u> is more than a pretty book. It is a journey that takes us – Ardwin and the reader – fearfully into our insecurities and brings us victoriously out of ourselves.</p><p><em>Coming Soon! Bound and Determined: <u>The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian</u> by Sherman Alexie. Check it out <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Absolutely-True-Diary-Part-Time-Indian/dp/0316013692/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1240284519&sr=1-1">here</a>.</em></p>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-64118462104000857002009-01-25T11:06:00.004-06:002009-01-25T11:18:14.946-06:00Greenjeans: Now with cables!This is the fun part. I really do like doing the cables, which are far easier than I had ever imagined. And I have no shame in admitting that I get giddy every time I've added at new twist to the cables. Joy in the small things, for certain.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK4Q0wi2l1OJP25cZK0U0IP6V_kII6cK1-hI-T9OsrAsqOK40MUDqMJ5cezcC_w6JXbnTIzICXqSjS8mivCYHfNsORly0_9J-4NhgE2yo3g16ej3Qmzhrx2_cRgVMH9bF6KvWrCQ/s1600-h/greenjeans+with+cables.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK4Q0wi2l1OJP25cZK0U0IP6V_kII6cK1-hI-T9OsrAsqOK40MUDqMJ5cezcC_w6JXbnTIzICXqSjS8mivCYHfNsORly0_9J-4NhgE2yo3g16ej3Qmzhrx2_cRgVMH9bF6KvWrCQ/s320/greenjeans+with+cables.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295279963603270434" border="0" /></a><br />Related: I stayed up into the wee hours of this morning updating my <a href="http://ravelry.com">Ravelry</a> account. I have most of my projects on there with pictures and notes. The site may be more addictive than the knitting itself, but it is an incredibly useful tool. How else would I find over one thousand other knitters who have completed or are in the middle of completing the very cardigan you see above? I'm in awe.<br /><br />Go. Join. I'm washedup. Who are you?Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-32436488250607372542009-01-18T22:18:00.005-06:002009-01-18T22:57:55.878-06:00Greenjeans: an update.It is becoming more and more apparent to me that I actually <em>am</em> knitting a sweater. A plus size sweater, at that. And that is certainly something. I brag not. I myself can't believe that I'm making this thing appear on the needles. Off the needles. Wherever. Here is an off-needle picture. I did (successfully) try it on, but the pajama pants and general unkemptness told me I was not a model today.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5292855952373989026" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9qzb-qWY-oL8gaZ5y0oaTrcHxEg8xWmcwuSbvHObO5VKFQOt0bHgqRZjgjhYheYJZs6OOLawLvJjeGWTvsx5apUUwi2zT6hdNRyi3Z0VVeph0sw0HJbDSxG3jmK0O_ABp_ut9Q/s320/greenjeans+precable+front.JPG" border="0" /><br /><br />I don't believe the color is accurately represented here. While I know the color is indeed called olive, it's not so olive drab in person. It's far happier -- with a hint of yellow, even. Oh, and the periwinkle business is just waste yarn keeping everything from unraveling until I come back and pick it all up. So, no. It isn't going to be a sleeveless, bare-midriff number.<br /><br />Still to come: Ribs and cables to the bottom, three-quarterish sleeves with rib-and-cable cuffs, and a ribbed button band and collar. I wasn't feeling too bad about the future of the project until I picked up <u>Knitting Rules</u> today for some between-row reading, and the <a href="http://www.yarnharlot.ca/">Yarn Harlot</a> made me fear the button band for reasons I don't yet understand. <em>And</em> she told a horror story about a green cardigan. Great.<br /><br />The truth is this: I've probably made too much progress. "This is a knitalong, not a race," says Kim, the knitalong ring leader. Oops. I've even done a few rounds of cables since taking this picture, which testifies to how much I really do not want to do all that planning for school. And I have some <em>serious</em> planning to do, considering the three-week KTIP marathon staring me down.<br /><br />I am a very productive procrastinator.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-30238109563329746502009-01-11T19:36:00.006-06:002009-01-11T20:03:56.038-06:00Greenjeans.This is more than a lifeless blob. It is the beginnings of a cardigan. An actual <em>sweater</em>.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdP9Ut9PrhVE6LVZE6kxr-ETBlDzfe0Crh25tgsF1WjASEMcl4CP5qzN8RC_ukmyD4C1pDwXhe83C4sTi1xvb3d4tZ8VmwA-ZxfoKYoBFaWRkoxTFC9C60whIX8UiV7lMPfha9Tg/s1600-h/greenjeans+small.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5290215808119544210" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdP9Ut9PrhVE6LVZE6kxr-ETBlDzfe0Crh25tgsF1WjASEMcl4CP5qzN8RC_ukmyD4C1pDwXhe83C4sTi1xvb3d4tZ8VmwA-ZxfoKYoBFaWRkoxTFC9C60whIX8UiV7lMPfha9Tg/s320/greenjeans+small.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />To see a completed and smaller version in a different color yarn of a different fiber, click <a href="http://knitty.com/ISSUEfall07/PATTgreenjeans.html">here</a>.<br /><br />I'm knitting mine in Vanna's Choice Olive, which is acrylic and afforable, which I may regret for its texture, but this is my first sweater. I didn't exactly want to buy that delicious forty-dollar-a-skein alpaca just so I could mess it up.<br /><br />So far, I've only forgotten to increase one stitch on one row. I don't think that's going to result in total lopsidedness -- yet. I keep thinking about how, when they were building the arch in St. Louis from the bottom up, they couldn't be a fraction of a degree off, or it wouldn't have met properly at the top. But I have to keep telling myself, <em>This is a cardigan, not a landmark.</em>Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5977888.post-727545153386398812009-01-04T01:42:00.003-06:002009-01-04T02:42:08.305-06:00It's only right.My guess is that I pull this one out about once every .87 years. But I'm no mathematician.<br /><br /><strong>current clothing:</strong> The long-sleeved gray shirt that I got at Goodwill to take to Honduras and these four-sizes-too-big Christmas pajamas pants that I shamelessly wear year-round.<br /><br /><strong>current mood:</strong> Productive, apparently. Not <em>productive</em> productive. But just wanting to do something.<br /><br /><strong>current taste:</strong> The aftertaste of a peppermint mocha truffle. Christmas clearance at Wal-Mart.<br /><br /><strong>current hair:</strong> Curly, verging on frizzy. And close to needing a trim. I'm not used to getting my hair done more often that once every six months.<br /><br /><strong>current annoyance:</strong> I've been sitting in this wooden kitchen chair for far too long now, and well, my butt hurts.<br /><br /><strong>current smell:</strong> *sniff sniff sniff* Nothing (a la Yukon Cornelius). Actually, I keep thinking I smell caramel apples, but I <em>must </em>be making that up.<br /><br /><strong>current thing you ought to be doing:</strong> Oh, this is easy. Updating grades. Planning Monday. Planning Tuesday. Planning the <em>semester</em>.<br /><br /><strong>current jewelry:</strong> Big ol' earrings I got at Lane Bryant when I was eight dollars away from another discount bracket. I'm wearing these <em>only</em> because I managed to lose one of those silly earrings for which I paid way too much when I was distraught over losing one of my copper Bell's Drug Store earrings. O, the despair! Ahem, and my teacher watch. I'd be willing to bet that in all the instances of filling out this survey, I've never listed a watch here. My, how things change.<br /><br /><strong>current book:</strong> I have a stack a mile high beside my bed, but truth be told, I'm only really trying to read <em>Making a Literary Life</em> right now. The first chapter calls upon the reader to write one thousand words a day, and I haven't managed to do it two days in a row. I feel like a fraud picking up the book to read Chapter Two.<br /><br /><strong>current refreshment:</strong> I'm fresh out of my new invention, Tangerale. It's a glass of ginger ale with about two-thirds teaspoon Tang. Ay, que rico.<br /><br /><strong>current worry:</strong> That I'll be unprepared for the last day of last semester and the first day of next semester, also known as Monday and Tuesday.<br /><br /><strong>current crush:</strong> The cashier at Hobby Lobby. He's probably either a husband or a high schooler. Or homosexual. So it goes.<br /><br /><strong>favorite celebrity:</strong> Hmm, I find this one more and more difficult to answer as the years pass. John Green? I don't know.<br /><br /><strong>current longing:</strong> For one more week before school starts back. Just one? Aw, c'mon...<br /><br /><strong>current music:</strong> Nada. My computer can't handle the internet <em>and</em> a music player.<br /><br /><strong>current wish:</strong> That out-of-state tuition for master's degrees wasn't so exorbitant.<br /><br /><strong>current lyric in your head:</strong> "You'll learn to hate me / But still call me baby"<br /><br /><strong>current makeup:</strong> Physician's Formula that needs to be washed off.<br /><br /><strong>current undergarments:</strong> This would require actually checking. This much I know: I am wearing some.<br /><br /><strong>current regret:</strong> Not doing all of my teacherliness earlier in the break.<br /><br /><strong>current desktop picture:</strong> Party lights on the camper. From several summers ago.<br /><br /><strong>current plans for tonight/weekend:</strong> Tomorrow is Sunday, and by necessity, I will be a teacher in preparation for the coming days.<br /><br /><strong>current cuss word du jour:</strong> Today? I think I'm clear today.<br /><br /><strong>current disappointment:</strong> Hm, Sissy, Victoria, Kathryn, and I saw <em>Tale of Despereaux </em>today. It was a cute movie, but not exactly what I expected it to be.<br /><br /><strong>current amusement:</strong> Looking at AT&T to see which features everyone on our plan has.<br /><br /><strong>current IM/person you're talking to:</strong> One is the loneliest number.<br /><br /><strong>current love:</strong> My bedroom. I rigged up some paper lantern garden lights over my mirror. It's all about the lighting.<br /><br /><strong>current obsession:</strong> It might be safe to say that I'm not totally obsessed with anything at the moment. Knitting may have taken the prize just a few days back, though. I've found my balance.<br /><br /><strong>current thing or things on your wall:</strong> The only actual thing that's not just scooted up or leaning against my bedroom wall is a little "antique" shelf that just happened to be the perfect height to hold DVDs.<br /><br /><strong>current favorite book:</strong> I'm never good with this question. I did, about a month ago, decide who my favorite authors are: C. S. Lewis, Madeleine L'Engle, Anne Lamott, and John Green.<br /><br /><strong>current favorite movie:</strong> <em>Driving Lessons</em> is still holding on for the win. Though I did just rewatch <em>Love Actually</em> for Christmas, and that cast just couldn't get any better. I like the Brits, apparently.Cassidyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04175671990454556549noreply@blogger.com0