i think i could stay with you for a while

I just got through talking to Becca on messenger. I miss her. I have a hard time thinking of a time when we've been together and not laughed until we hurt. Sheesh, so much stuff changes. It's been a year since we were roommates. In that year, we've completely grown apart. But not in a bad way really. I guess we're going to be those kind of friends that can go forever without seeing or talking to each other, but can pick up right where we left off. Maybe we weren't the best of roommates, but she'll always be one of my best friends. She's got a boyfriend, and she's so happy. And I'm so happy for her. I need to meet this guy. I told her that we need to get together some time over break. It's crazy that we have to come home to see someone we go to school with.

So all this relationship talk with Becca and some other things have me wondering. When's it going to happen? I see people like Becca who are so happy because love fell out of the sky and whapped them in the face. I see other people who are desperately searching to find it and only come out broken-hearted. I guess I'm going to keep doing what I've always been doing. Nothing. Waiting. Living my life hoping that one day I'll trip over it and fall face-down in it. I really don't see any sense in hunting it down, tying it up, and beating it with a stick until it agrees to come home with me. Something about that just doesn't seem right. And maybe I'm just too idealistic. A hopeless romanitic. Or maybe I just have too good of a time making metaphors and personfications of love.

and another sound rushes through my mind

So I'm not doing a good job of keeping up with posting on a regular basis. Wah, wah. Yesterday was too depressing to blog about. It was Meme's funeral. Seeing Arenda that upset just really got to me. I hate seeing people cry like that. It makes me cry. And then Richard, my brother-in-law's dad, was scheduled for prostate surgery tomorrow, but he had a heart-attack last night. So he had a heart cath (what's that?) today, and they are talking about a double or triple by-pass either later in the week or next week. See. Yesterday wasn't good blogging material.

Today, I slept in as usual. Did my normal nothing and then went to Dale's. We went to Fazoli's again so that turkey submarino could rock my world again. Then we went to the movies. Since I hadn't seen the first two Lord of the Rings movies, we didn't see the third, though that's what he really wanted to do. We ended up watching The Last Samurai. It was actually pretty good. Tom Cruise is all grown up. It's weird thinking that actors that we've always thought were hot (although I'm not much of a Tom Cruise kinda girl) are getting older. It's like Robert Redford. My mom used to talk about how good looking he is, but until I acquired that sick attraction to old men, I didn't understand. To think that future generations will only think Tom Cruise is hot if they like "old guys" is just crazy. Mmkay, that was about a random spiel, huh?

I've started this paragraph three times, and every time I think I've something to talk about, I decide it's not worth it, highlight it, and delete it. Oh, remembered something. I got my grades, and I made all As. Yeah, my socks were knocked off. I had at least three classes that I could've had Bs in, but somehow I managed to narrowly escape. So what did I learn this semester? How to cheat and lie. I never read Possession, but I faked my way through a final exam that was all about that book. I did two out of twelve hours of observation for EDP, and apparently, Lewis bought my BS on those other ten hours. Now, I did nothing but my best in creative writing, and I think I'm most proud of that A. And I guess BarbCobb didn't eff my world up too bad. And what can I say about Spanish? I'm practically Mexican.

Alright, well, I'm tired and out of things to say, so I'm callin' 'er quits. Nite.

feels like home to me

Mmkay, I'm going to try to get back in the normal groove of blogging.

Today hasn't been much, but days at home usually aren't. When Mom and Dad got home, we went to the funeral home to see Meme. It is so weird to see a bunch of people from that family that I haven't seen since we all were kids. Now, it takes us a full thirty seconds to recognize each other. A lot of that has to do with the baby in their arms or the kid hanging on their leg. It is so weird, this growing up thing. And the awkwardness of a funeral home always gets me to thinking about it. Life and death. Anyway, once Mom and I finally dragged Dad away from the poor people he was torturing, I mean, talking to, we decided to do a little Tumbleweed for supper. (What did I ever do with those "I Need The 'Weed" stickers that Arenda and I stole from there a year or so ago?) It was Margarita Monday, and Mom decided she needed two. Heck, they were 99 cents. I don't blame her. So when we got home, Dad and I left her in the car for a little bit (I don't think she noticed) while we looked at the stars. You know, I don't think you can see the stars in Murray. I really don't know if you can see a celestial anything. I never remember seeing stars, the sun, the moon, or even clouds. I don't like that. But tonight, it is so clear. I haven't seen this many stars in forever.

Well, I'm talking to Ashley about her Nyquil addiction. It's good to know that both of my moms have been under the influence tonight. I take comfort in that.

I do miss school a little bit. But I think I've come to realize the feeling of home. Yeah, I guess home is a place. Like WebCo, or whatever. But home is also people. A feeling you get when you talk to them or are just with them. It just feels right. You can't just find that anywhere. Or in anybody.

get low, get low

Word, dawgs. I haven't blogged in a month-a sundies. I had an alright weekend. Friday night, I went shopping with Dale. After making three trips around the mall and a stop at KB Toys, he finally got his shop on and came out with three sweaters, a pair of jeans, and some awesome shoes. I think I love guys' clothes. We did a little Fazoli's, which I'm usually not too crazy about, but that turkey submarino about rocked my face off. We also rented The Italian Job, which was pretty good as well. And I made it home by my curfew for that night--with two minutes to spare. 12:58 am. (Just so you know, my "curfew" tends to change according to what kind of mood Mom and/or Dad is in, what day of the week it is, and of course, the weather.)

Saturday. I don't remember much about it. Well, yes, I do. I woke up somewhere around 11:30 to hear that Meme had passed away. That's my cousin Arenda's grandmother. And it was Arenda's birthday and the day before her college graduation. We were supposed to go to Berea for the graduation, but we knew the weather wasn't going to be good. The whole situation was/is kinda rough. I guess I'll be going to the funeral tomorrow. Arenda's getting to come home for the funeral, but she's missing finals. (Yeah, she has finals after graduation. Weird.) But they're letting her make them up. Just so y'all know, I love my cousin Arenda. That's what we call each other. She calls me her "cousin Sassy." We're retarded. No, really, we are.

Yesterday, after church, we went to Harbor Freaking Freight in Evansville. It's this huge kinda hardware store thing. Mom and I bought Dad a drill and an awesomely cool level with a laser on it with Dad in the store. I had to hurry my way through the checkout and get it in my car before Dad saw me, but it didn't work. He saw me at the checkout, but he just turned his head like a kid who'd just been caught, and pretended he was looking at some three-piece set of cutting boards. It was kinda cute. When I was wedging all this crap in a Journeys shoe bag in my trunk for inconspicuous safekeeping, I somehow scratched the fire out of my hand. It still hurts. *sniff sniff*

Last night, I went to Dale's again. We went to Best Buy and got him a video card for his computer. Then we were supposed to go get me a Christmas present. Yeah, he told me I could pick out anything I wanted from anywhere and he'd get it. I panicked. Is it terrible that I couldn't think of something? It's not that I couldn't really think of anything, but I didn't want to just pick anything. I don't know. I never came up with anything. Feel free to give me any ideas. Then we went and ate at Johnny B's. We went back to his house and I watch him play some computer game for an hour or so, and then we just went riding around on random roads until it was time for me to go home. I was so proud. We were in straight up BFE. Neither one of us knew where we were at for quite some time, but we kept making turns. (Such the smart thing to do close to midnight when it is freezing cold.) And then I recognized some, I don't know, trees or something and realized that we were in Zion. He's supposed to be Captain I'm Never Lost, but I identified our surroundings first. So the score is something like: Dale - 23,734 Cassidy - 1 . Anyway, I didn't make it home by my "curfew" last night. It was supposed to be 12:00. But the way I look at it, if I call and say I'm coming home by my curfew time, I'm okay.

Okay, I apologize for this monstrosity of a post that is nothing but what I've done for the past couple days. I could easily avoid this situation if I just posted more often, huh? Yeah, well, I'm going to go play a little guitar and then get in the shower. Gaw, I love being home.

they said she died easy of a broken-heart disease

Well, I'm home again. I likedtonotta got out of Murray. After I drug my stuff down the stairs to my car in four loads, I realized that I locked my keys in the room. Luckily, Jessica didn't make me officially check out the key. I had a good trip home and all that kinda thing. Haven't done much since I've been here. Played a little geeter. Talked to Mom. I don't know. I've been here for ten hours and I don't even know what I've been doing. That's a great feeling.

But I do have a story for the what, two of you who don't know it. 'Round about 11:17 today, I was driving to Faculty Hall to drop off my Notations stuff at 7C. There was what appeared to be a road-blocky-thing up there by Hester where they normally conduct those things. When I pulled up, a police-officer-lady asked me if I had time to spare and if I wanted to be in some video. Granted, I looked like crap and had to be back from this little trip by 12:00 for our Back Yard Burger excursion, but I'm afraid of law enforcement people, so I agreed. So me and two police officers faked a little thing they call a "safety check-point," but the officer who was giving me the spiel could never get his lines right. He was a cute old man, but I think the camera-man was not happy with his acting skills. Of course, I had only one line: "Thanks." Because that's the appropriate response for when an officer thanks you for wearing your seat belt... But I didn't argue. Anyhow, the woman officer noticed while she was "inspecting my license plate" that I'm from Henderson County. Turns out, she's from Robards, right up the road from me. So I don't know if me and the Buh-yoo-ick are going to be famous or anything. They'll probably use it for an officer training video, or maybe a traffic school video. Hmm, I'll ask Ashley if she sees me on there...

I plan on sleeping much of tomorrow away. I'm supposed to meet Dale at Best Buy at 5:00. I think we're going shopping. How funny is that? Maybe I'll buy some Hanukkah. And then Saturday I'm supposed to go to Berea for Arenda's graduation that is on Sunday. But there might be weather. They're calling for two inches around here, so no telling what it'll be like up that way. There's no way Dad would let us go. He's already freaking out, telling me that I'm going to die unless I'm home by 10:00 tomorrow night. Apparently, at 10:01 pm the road is going to freeze up into a solid sheet of ice and I'll end up upside down in a ditch somewhere. But just like Dad told me tonight, if I ever get pinned in my car like that, the first thing I need to do is kill the engine. If I can get out of there, I'm not supposed to worry about my purse. If I run back to get it, the car might explode on me. This is the point where Mom and I both yelled at Dad and told him to shut up with his safety tips. He's real good at that, you know. I remember one night when I was in high school, he sat me down and told me atleast five ways I could die going down the road. One of which did include overturning into a deep, deep ditch of deathly icy water. Atleast two possibilities included deer. (Saw the 293 Deer today, by the way.) One had something to do with the deer knocking my headlights out and me needing a flashlight to shine down the road as I drove. Another involved the deer jumping through my windshield and kicking me to death. Ladies and gentlemen, never again wonder why I am paranoid schizophrenic.

Sheesh, I am tired. But I feel like a kid who has just been told that just for tonight, they don't have a bedtime. I'm fighting sleep, but I don't know why.

Well, I sat here for something like five minutes trying to think of something clever to end off this blog with. No dice.