Tonight was a good time with Holly, Dale, Rally's, Lord of the Rings, and John Mayer. (That's in chronological order.) It's been a while (Staind) since we three (kings) have been together. Good stuff.
So it's New Year's Eve. How 'bout that? I can't believe it's going to be 2004 in less than twenty-four hours. It would be really neat and things if I could come up with a list of fabulous things that happened this year, but I don't know what those would be. It's been an interesting year, I guess. A year of change. I think I've done a lot of growing up this year. 2003 was my first full calendar year in college. I turned twenty this year, so I'm not a teenager anymore. I've dealt with changes in an old friendship and had a ton of fun making new ones. Through a little friendly influence, I decided to try to play guitar. I don't know, I can't think anything else very significant about this year. Um, I had my first wreck. I got to go see John Mayer in concert. So it's been a good year, but I'm looking forward to next year. It's cliche' and all, the new beginning each year offers, but I like the idea. I'm not much on resolutions because I never keep them, but there is one little thing I'd like to work on. Being less afraid. Trying to go to sleep last night, I realized how much of a fearful person I am. I actually fell asleep listing to myself the things I'm afraid of. It went a little something like this:
I'm afraid of commitment.
I'm afraid of responsibility.
I'm afraid of having an opinion.
I'm afraid of making decisions.
I'm afraid of being vulnerable.
I'm afraid of being alone.
I'm afraid of change.
I'm afraid of rejection.
I'm afraid of failure.
I'm afraid of audiences.
I'm afraid of saying goodbye.
I'm afraid of being first.
I'm afraid of growing up.
I'm afraid of reality.
I'm afraid of the future.
Some of these I am more afraid of than others. And I know some of these are normal human fears, but I let them have their way more than I should. Some of them are product of each other. I'm afraid of making decisions because I'm afraid of commitment. I'm afraid of the future because I'm afraid of being alone. It is a sad thing, living in fear. It's paralyzing. It keeps me from moving forward. And it's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if I'm afraid of doing something, the future is inevitably going to come, and I'm going to be left with exactly what I fear. Nothingness. I don't know how successful I will be at this, but I'd like to overcome some of these fears. Maybe I won't be able to do it in 2004, but maybe I can start there. It'll be a part of growing up, which I reportedly fear according to my list. But maybe I'll get over that, too.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Monday, December 29, 2003
i tell the truth 'cept when i lie
I ripped this off a friend who ripped it off a friend of a friend's xanga. Follow that? Yeah, me neither...
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
1. I want to make John Mayer's babies.
2. I want a CD player that works all the time. Not just when it's 70+ degrees outside.
3. What the hell is a sheep umbrella?
4. I'm going to be in KY for Christmas break.
5. I love Rally's.
6. I don't know your mom.
7. I love computers.
8. I like driving.
9. I am not on anti-depressants.
10. I hate techno.
11. I have socks on right now only because my feet are cold. Otherwise, I'd be barefoot.
12. I am NOT obsessed with Mr. Bryant.
13. I <3 EASY finals.
14. I live with my best friend.
15. I broke an arm when I was three, but I don't remember which one it was.
16. Can I have my cake? Can I have you too?
17. I'm underage to drink.
18. Turtleneck sweaters make me claustrophobic.
19. I never had a boyfriend all through high school.
20. I drive a Buick.
21. This thing is cake compared to a 60pg. lab report.
22. My mom hates rap music.
23. I would rather watch a sappy movie than a fighting one.
24. I've never been out of the country.
25. I'm tired of having never been kissed.
26. I'm supposedly going to be a high school English teacher.
27. I think I want kids.
28. I was in gifted and talented classes in grade school.
29. TGI Friday's service is horrible.
30. I have a freaking car.
31. My eyes change colors.
32. Pets are cool, but I'm fine without one.
33. My dorm room does have carpet.
34. I have no living grandparents.
35. I didn't read cold mountain.
36. Libraries and book stores rock my face off.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. My parents aren't divorced.
39. I cry during movies.
40. I've never seen fight club.
41. Shoestring fries are okay, but crinkle-cut are the best.
42. There shouldn't be Cracker Barrels north of the Mason Dixon line.
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I grew up on Roseann.
45. I really don't like being in pictures.
46. I think...way too much.
47. I can vote next year in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I've not lived in more than one dorm, ahem, residential college.
49. I wonder what cruel soul put an 's' in the word 'lisp'.
50. I hate kittens.
51. I do have a uterus.
52. But I'm not on birth control.
53. I liked Little Mermaid's hair.
54. Harry Potter is an okay fellow.
55. Ashley's fashion idol is another okay fellow, but he's cuter than Harry Potter.
56. I'm a college sophomore.
57. I've never been in a long distance relationship.
58. I'm out of high school.
59. I don't immediately delete answering machine messages.
60. My legs are hairy.
61. I like simple things.
62. I do care.
63. I don't miss high school.
64. My computer has miraculously escaped getting a virus.
65. I have hazel eyes.
66. I can SOMETIMES focus when I want.
67. I think I have OCD.
68. I don't like to sing solos in front of people.
69. Matt B's pizza and cheese bread gets two enthusiastic thumbs up.
70. I enjoy traveling.
71. I love road trips with my friends.
72. I hate people.
73. My mom ruled Dr. Mario on the original Nintendo.
74. I'm afraid to drive that extra 10 miles with my gas light on.
75. John Cusack films win.
76. I am Captain Nostalgia.
77. I've had both blonde and red highlights.
78. I'm not cool enough to be on scholarship.
79. I think I don't always know when to give up.
80. I watch VH1 way more than MTV.
81. High school me and college me could have a civil conversation.
82. If I had exboyfriends, I'd keep their letters, but vow to throw them all away when I really fall in love.
83. I don't have glasses or contacts.
84. I talk to myself.
85. I have nothing but each ear pierced once.
86. I was not a high school athlete.
87. I have one sister.
88. I have treated a hard boiled egg as a child for one week.
89. I want to be loved. Badly.
90. I've never been arrested.
91. I'm a hopeless romantic. Someone sweep me off my feet.
92. I've flown in an aeroplane.
93. I play a little guitar.
94. I live in a little house on the "highway."
95. I care what those who are close to me think of me.
96. I love the smell of gasoline.
97. I usually talk myself out of buying stuff that I want.
98. I'd really, really like to get some flowers.
99. The best place to buy t-shirts is Goodwill.
100. Though I haven't heard it yet, I'd put money on the prospect that Ben Harper's live album makes the best love makin' music.
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
1. I want to make John Mayer's babies.
2. I want a CD player that works all the time. Not just when it's 70+ degrees outside.
3. What the hell is a sheep umbrella?
4. I'm going to be in KY for Christmas break.
5. I love Rally's.
6. I don't know your mom.
7. I love computers.
8. I like driving.
9. I am not on anti-depressants.
10. I hate techno.
11. I have socks on right now only because my feet are cold. Otherwise, I'd be barefoot.
12. I am NOT obsessed with Mr. Bryant.
13. I <3 EASY finals.
14. I live with my best friend.
15. I broke an arm when I was three, but I don't remember which one it was.
16. Can I have my cake? Can I have you too?
17. I'm underage to drink.
18. Turtleneck sweaters make me claustrophobic.
19. I never had a boyfriend all through high school.
20. I drive a Buick.
21. This thing is cake compared to a 60pg. lab report.
22. My mom hates rap music.
23. I would rather watch a sappy movie than a fighting one.
24. I've never been out of the country.
25. I'm tired of having never been kissed.
26. I'm supposedly going to be a high school English teacher.
27. I think I want kids.
28. I was in gifted and talented classes in grade school.
29. TGI Friday's service is horrible.
30. I have a freaking car.
31. My eyes change colors.
32. Pets are cool, but I'm fine without one.
33. My dorm room does have carpet.
34. I have no living grandparents.
35. I didn't read cold mountain.
36. Libraries and book stores rock my face off.
37. I'm not a senior in high school.
38. My parents aren't divorced.
39. I cry during movies.
40. I've never seen fight club.
41. Shoestring fries are okay, but crinkle-cut are the best.
42. There shouldn't be Cracker Barrels north of the Mason Dixon line.
43. I haven't seen Marilyn Manson in concert.
44. I grew up on Roseann.
45. I really don't like being in pictures.
46. I think...way too much.
47. I can vote next year in the 2004 presidential election.
48. I've not lived in more than one dorm, ahem, residential college.
49. I wonder what cruel soul put an 's' in the word 'lisp'.
50. I hate kittens.
51. I do have a uterus.
52. But I'm not on birth control.
53. I liked Little Mermaid's hair.
54. Harry Potter is an okay fellow.
55. Ashley's fashion idol is another okay fellow, but he's cuter than Harry Potter.
56. I'm a college sophomore.
57. I've never been in a long distance relationship.
58. I'm out of high school.
59. I don't immediately delete answering machine messages.
60. My legs are hairy.
61. I like simple things.
62. I do care.
63. I don't miss high school.
64. My computer has miraculously escaped getting a virus.
65. I have hazel eyes.
66. I can SOMETIMES focus when I want.
67. I think I have OCD.
68. I don't like to sing solos in front of people.
69. Matt B's pizza and cheese bread gets two enthusiastic thumbs up.
70. I enjoy traveling.
71. I love road trips with my friends.
72. I hate people.
73. My mom ruled Dr. Mario on the original Nintendo.
74. I'm afraid to drive that extra 10 miles with my gas light on.
75. John Cusack films win.
76. I am Captain Nostalgia.
77. I've had both blonde and red highlights.
78. I'm not cool enough to be on scholarship.
79. I think I don't always know when to give up.
80. I watch VH1 way more than MTV.
81. High school me and college me could have a civil conversation.
82. If I had exboyfriends, I'd keep their letters, but vow to throw them all away when I really fall in love.
83. I don't have glasses or contacts.
84. I talk to myself.
85. I have nothing but each ear pierced once.
86. I was not a high school athlete.
87. I have one sister.
88. I have treated a hard boiled egg as a child for one week.
89. I want to be loved. Badly.
90. I've never been arrested.
91. I'm a hopeless romantic. Someone sweep me off my feet.
92. I've flown in an aeroplane.
93. I play a little guitar.
94. I live in a little house on the "highway."
95. I care what those who are close to me think of me.
96. I love the smell of gasoline.
97. I usually talk myself out of buying stuff that I want.
98. I'd really, really like to get some flowers.
99. The best place to buy t-shirts is Goodwill.
100. Though I haven't heard it yet, I'd put money on the prospect that Ben Harper's live album makes the best love makin' music.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
i've seen fire and i've seen rain
Life sure is boring when all you do is sleep. I've been stuck in this house since Christmas Day, and I've had it. I've seen too much TV. I saw about 150 of the VH1's 200 Greatest Pop Icons, or whatever they are. I've also been listening to some of the music I got for Christmas. Right now, I'm listening to Nickel Creek's This Side. Why, oh, why did I wait 'til now to get this CD? I really enjoy them. Of all of the CDs I got for Christmas, this was one that I didn't previously know a song on, but I knew I'd still like it. I was definitely right.
Despite the crapity of how I feel, I'm dragging my butt out of this house and going to Dale's in a little bit. We're renting the first two Lord of the Rings movies. He says I'm going with him to see the third one, so I guess I better get up to speed, huh?
Well, with the lack of interest in my life, it's time to end this post. I'm just going to end with this little bit of information. Having seen more TV than any human should ever see in the past 48 hours, I've seen lots of infomercials. Have you seen the one for the James Taylor CD? (Yes, KS.) There are some shots of him when he was younger where he was absolutely beautifully hot. He may be bald on top with some huge eyebrows now, but there was a time when was quite a hottie. I thought y'all should know that.
Despite the crapity of how I feel, I'm dragging my butt out of this house and going to Dale's in a little bit. We're renting the first two Lord of the Rings movies. He says I'm going with him to see the third one, so I guess I better get up to speed, huh?
Well, with the lack of interest in my life, it's time to end this post. I'm just going to end with this little bit of information. Having seen more TV than any human should ever see in the past 48 hours, I've seen lots of infomercials. Have you seen the one for the James Taylor CD? (Yes, KS.) There are some shots of him when he was younger where he was absolutely beautifully hot. He may be bald on top with some huge eyebrows now, but there was a time when was quite a hottie. I thought y'all should know that.
Friday, December 26, 2003
i got a disease, deep inside me
Yo, yo, what up, dawgs? It's been several days since I've posted. For the first day or two, it was because I was just doing the busy holiday thing. Now it's because I feel like poo. I guess I've just caught what's going around. And it sucks. Wah wah, right? Yeah, I guess so.
The holidays have been good to me. I think Dale and I officially went to all of each other's family things. Santa was nicer to me than I expected him to be since I had already gotten all kinds of stuff. But Mom insisted that I ask for something, so I compiled a list of CDs for her to pick from. I figured she'd get me two or three, but she got them all. That was fun. So I've got plenty of good music to be listening to.
*sigh* I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. And I want to do is go to bed. I miss all of you people out there.
The holidays have been good to me. I think Dale and I officially went to all of each other's family things. Santa was nicer to me than I expected him to be since I had already gotten all kinds of stuff. But Mom insisted that I ask for something, so I compiled a list of CDs for her to pick from. I figured she'd get me two or three, but she got them all. That was fun. So I've got plenty of good music to be listening to.
*sigh* I don't know what else to say. I'm tired. And I want to do is go to bed. I miss all of you people out there.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
you can hug scooter
As I told Holly earlier, I just wish someone would rip my arm off and hang it from the rafters of Heorot. It's popping and grating (as webmd.com calls it) like a million little wing'd mankeys. I guess I need to go to the doctor. Boo. I don't like them people. Maybe if I ignore it, it will go away. Or fall off.
I went Christmas shopping with Dale and his sister today. That was fun, though I didn't really get much shopping done. Actually, I only bought one thing. It's a Wonderful Life on DVD for Mom. But for the most part, I just kinda hung out with them while they did their shopping, which was cool. I got to meet Dale's managers at Best Buy. And I finally made a decision on my gift. I got the Love Actually soundtrack. I'm excited.
Tonight, instead of being a non-existent child, I went with the family (Mom, Dad, Wade, and Day) to Jeri's in Clay. That was a good time. We sat with the owner and his son at the booth because our normal round table was taken. (That's what I love about WebCo.) Anyway, they are both so cute. The little boy is two and just precious. Kids like him make me want to have children.
Well, since tomorrow, the 23rd, is my family's official Christmas shopping day and I sure haven't accomplished much so far, Mom and I are going to go get 'er done. Or at least try to. I can't believe Christmas is almost here. It always sneaks up on me like this. And before I know it, it'll be gone.
I went Christmas shopping with Dale and his sister today. That was fun, though I didn't really get much shopping done. Actually, I only bought one thing. It's a Wonderful Life on DVD for Mom. But for the most part, I just kinda hung out with them while they did their shopping, which was cool. I got to meet Dale's managers at Best Buy. And I finally made a decision on my gift. I got the Love Actually soundtrack. I'm excited.
Tonight, instead of being a non-existent child, I went with the family (Mom, Dad, Wade, and Day) to Jeri's in Clay. That was a good time. We sat with the owner and his son at the booth because our normal round table was taken. (That's what I love about WebCo.) Anyway, they are both so cute. The little boy is two and just precious. Kids like him make me want to have children.
Well, since tomorrow, the 23rd, is my family's official Christmas shopping day and I sure haven't accomplished much so far, Mom and I are going to go get 'er done. Or at least try to. I can't believe Christmas is almost here. It always sneaks up on me like this. And before I know it, it'll be gone.
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