Monday, January 31, 2005

if you give it time

"And if you never stop when you wave goodbye, you just might find, if you give it time, you will wave hello again. You just might wave hello again. And that's the way this wheel keeps workin' now." John Mayer, "Wheel"

Sunday, January 30, 2005

i need a teenage doctor

I don't feel especially well at the moment. I am feverish with a bit of sore throat and sniffly nose. I don't like this at all. I do hope it passes.

So because of the TV-as-monior set-up, I have a magnifier (for the visually impaired) accessibility tool going on, right? Wherever my cursor is is magnified at the top of the screen. Well, if my screen was blue and the letters white and the appropriate synth background music was added , this would look very much familiar.

[Buh-nuh-nuh-nuh-buh-nuh, buh-nuh-nuh-nuh-buh-nuh. Doo-duh-dee-doo, duh-doo-duh-dee-doo...]

Doogie Howser, M. D.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. But I had to do it. And yes, that is my phonetic description of the Doogie theme song. Long live 1989's Neil Patrick Harris.

Considering the fact that I attended one out of four classes on Friday, I should really be doing some homework, but I've already conceded to the getting-by-by-the-skin-of-my-teeth-and-Sparksnotes method. But let's face it, I read the book I'm supposed to have read for tomorrow in another course. (Please note the proceeding comma splice. Never mind my use of a conjunction as the first word of the sentence. If I were able to vote one grammar rule off the island, it would be the one prohibiting that habit of mine.) Anyway, anyway, anyway, I should at least try reading Apology for philosophy. I really don't want to be out of the loop in that class. Oh, and I saw my professor at Starbucks yesterday afternoon when I went in to get my fix. How appropriate. As much as I love it, that place is one big stereotypical institution.

Alright. I'm going to do some reading of some sort. Academic or not. And then I'm going to try to go to bed before midnight. There isn't a very good chance of that, but it sure would be nice.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

anything you can do i can do better

I promise. I didn't just change the look of this thing for the fun of it. Though I was having a hankering to do so... But what's up is this. My television is now my computer monitor, right? And I needed to make some adjustments to my page so that I can use the magnifer more easily to edit my blog entries. I needed to make my text area 400 pixels wide--and of course, fit everything to match. My last design was getting on my nerves anyway because my header was wider than my content. OCD, right? So that's that.

Dale came down yesterday afternoon, and we had a good time. We got some supper, and I let him rig up my computer. It's a scary sight, but it works. My LCD screen isn't even attached to the computer anymore, but at least now I can use it as a laptop. This is pretty temporary, though. I've got to break down and do something different. Like get a new computer. Anyway, we went to see Annie Get Your Gun. It was very good. It amazes me that the whole entire thing is student-produced. Those are some talented folks. Afterwards, Holly and Jenny came over for some fun-filled mess-making and such. Good times, indeed.

Well, as is customary for the weekends, I'm probably going to make my way toward Calvert City or something like that today. So that means I might ought to take a shower and become presentable.

One last note. This tee-shirt that the folks at Bradley Book Co. gave me is still rolled up and hanging out in the living room. The way it's folded, you can only the the RADLE of the BRADLEY. Everytime I look at it, though, I think "Radley." And that makes me think of Boo Radley and reminds me that I still haven't read To Kill a Mockingbird. Okay. Just thought I'd tell you.

Be good.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

striking gold

After TNT tonight, I decided I needed to indulge in my one and only Starbucks drink: Caramel Macchiato. I found out tonight that Jimmy From Scholarships thinks my choice of espresso is a very good choice. He also informed me that it's Starbucks' most popular drink. See, I didn't even know that. I just looked at the names of the selections and said, "Yeah, I want that." And it stuck. Apparently that's what something like 10 million other people have done, too. Maybe. I pick my drinks like I pick my racehorse on Derby day. By the name. In 1991 (sweet mother, I was only a first-grader), I was looking at the names of the horses and saw Strike the Gold. So I chose it. Take note, I was not a betting first-grader. Just sitting at home, arbitrarily looking for a horse to cheer for. And Strike the Gold won the roses that year. Caramel Macchiato and Strike the Gold. It's all in the name. That's what they have in common. And let's not even consider the racehorse/Thoroughbrewed aspect...

So for a while, I did one of the most cliche things I could possibly do. I sat a two-top table by myself, forlornly drinking my espresso and even trying to write in my journal for the sake of the moment. Then I realized how pathetic the whole thing was because I wasn't completely forlorn and I didn't even want to write, which is somewhat uncharacteristic of me, I add. I just wanted my drink. So I packed up my props and went to Springer to peddle my Measure for Measure ticket. That didn't work out so well, but I did get to go to Holly's record-setting short program on conflict management. We took a survey to discover our conflict management style. Before I even answered the questions, I knew that I am a full-blooded conflict avoider. And the numbers didn't lie. Somehow, I imagine I shouldn't be proud of that.

Into the Wardrobe, a website that I lovingly frequent, puts up a C. S. Lewis quote every day. I get very excited when the quotes are from one of the books that I've read. Today's, actually tomorrow's because it's on Greenwich time or something, is from The Great Divorce, which I have read, and it's something that I'm learning, if I'm learning anything at all.

"Human beings can't make one another really happy for long." C. S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

leaning ladders

And so the truth comes out. The chairs that we now enjoy at the information desk were not at all a result of the agony they put their sitters through. No. The old chairs were messing up the new carpet. That's right. Keep your priorities straight, Waterfield Library.

I really need to learn the art (and there must be an art) of effective breakfast. My orange juice and Frosted Rice Krispies aren't cutting it. It's not that I'm sitting here thinking, "Mmm, food sounds good." No, my stomach has been doing some serious yelling--by 9:00. Insane.

You know what's really funny? When people come up to me asking for real computer answers. Not just "Why can't I sign in?" but like "My YF1400 application seems to be unable to perform on this operating system. Can you configure this file to integrate into the network?" What the crap. Okay, so it's obvious I made that whole question up, but it makes about as much sense as some of the questions I get asked. Don't you people know that I'm just swinging by my pinky on the bottom rung of the campus technological ladder? Apparently not.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

strike up the heavenly chorus

My life just got infinitively better. And isn't it amazing when you don't even recognize the blessing at first, even when it's right under your nose--literally? So what's this wonderful thing I speak of? A chair. When I came in to work this morning and set my stuff down behind the desk, I didn't even notice it. Ah, but when I returned after starting up all the computers to make my nest, there it was: an ergonomic, adjustable, comfortable! chair. The old, shaky, four-legged torture device is now of the past. The new has come. No more writhing in pain as my legs dangled too short for any real resting place and as my back went unsupported and as my butt just hurt. You'd think sitting isn't a difficult job, so I limited my complaining. But it has been a chore just to find that evasive comfortable spot. Apparently someone vocalized the distress the old chairs put him or her in. Probably a library worker because they have to sit at this desk, too. Or maybe the reference librarians became weary of seeing us undergo cruel and unusual punishment. Somehow, I find that unlikely. But we have new chairs. And that's all that matters.

Monday, January 24, 2005

up with the chickens

I feel a pressing sense of obligation to write something here. I don't know why. What I should feel is a pressing sense of obligation to go to bed. My tomorrow seems closer than it should be.

Thus far, the whole let's-be-organized-so-we-don't-fail (What am I, royal, with that we?) is working out. But this is just the first of the semester, right? In no time I'll be despairing over assignments that magically appeared on all the syllabi. Okay. I just wanted to use the word syllabi. Who doesn't?

But today, not only have I been prepared for all my classes, done some advance homework, and sorted out my plan-of-action for the next week, but I have also returned to a bit of domesticity. I washed a monstrous amount of dishes (read: all of them) with a pair of rubber gloves on. Not just any rubber gloves, but household gloves, says the box they came in, that can withstand the scalding heat of sufficiently bacteria-killing steaming dishwater. Yet another completely practical Christmas gift from my sister. (Among others, towel sets, an ice scraper, a sandwich maker, and winter gloves.) Then to top it off (also known as to make matters worse), I made a casserole. That's right. A casserole, but rest easy tonight knowing that I don't actually own a casserole dish with its traditional snap-on cover, ready to be toted to any middle-to-old-age social event. I went with the 9x13 cake pan. Anyway, it is poppy seed chicken. Good stuff, I must say, and I made some subtle improvements on the recipe my sister gave me. See. It's all her fault. But I do, therefore, have food and clean dishes to eat it on.

Alright, I'm going to bed. You know you're old when you get up before the rooster that lives next door. And there are so many things wrong with that statement. First off, this rooster I speak of usually does his crowing at more like 9:00 am. A little belated, I dare say. And next door? Since when do roosters take up residence in semi-populated places? Well, at least he doesn't live in the apartment next door, but the house next to the apartments. Either way, I'll be long gone before that bird even ruffles his morning feathers.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

he is no fool

Man, it's a windy world out there right now. I'm glad I finally gathered up the gumption to take my Christmasy wreath off the door a few days ago, or else, it would have been blown all the way to 641 by now.

I have survived the first week of classes. It seemed quite short, but I guess since we didn't go Monday, that's understandable. After analyzing the academic events of this week, I might be able to say that, so far, my most enjoyable class has been, and will hopefully continue to be, philosophy. (Well, not to say that all other classes are discouraged from usurping the throne of belovedness, but I hope this one doesn't disappoint.) Being the over-thinker that I am and thanks to the quasi-philosophical mental exercise C. S. Lewis gave me during break, I have absolutely savored the first two class meetings. As for other classes, we'll see. But this thing I do know: I will be busy this semester. No doubt about it. And as I do ever semester, I'm going to declare a commitment--that I may or may not keep--about being a good student. By that, I mean one who seeks to learn and not one who only seeks to make good grades by merely meeting requirements. As much as I thrive on learning, this is so hard for me. I know how to get good grades with little effort, but that's not why I'm here.

In philosophy, our professor posed that question. "Why are you in college?" Some replied with the answer, "To make money." Then he asked, "So what does an introduction course in philosophy have to do with making money?" After a while, I finally said, "It fulfills an elective to get a degree to get a job to make the money." Questioning followed about the importance of money and happiness and how all of this related. We, as students, fail to see what on earth we are doing. Most of us are convinced, maybe subconsciously, that we are on the road to happiness, but we fail to put it all together. Are all these things we are doing a pursuit of some sort of happiness? In some ways, we seem certain of it. But what is happiness? And do we really need it?

I've asked myself these questions. No, I don't have answers for them all, but I do know that I don't believe in the certainty of a college education, a career, money, or even happiness. I feel like it's the biggest mistake I could make, putting my faith in something that offers no promises. Education, careers, money, and happiness are not bad things. But they don't last forever. I'll continue my education, maybe begin a career, and even someday, make some money. And I might be happy. But something tells me whatever happiness I'll ever have won't be related to those other things.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Let's be honest. I didn't have high hopes for today. After all, it is Tuesday, and Tuesdays and Thursdays are notoriously crappy, at least in my book--which completely undermines the use of notoriously in that sentence. Anyway. Today was good. The library gig isn't so bad after all. Of course, I'd doomed myself to librariness when, over break, I said the words I really hope I don't get scheduled to work in the library. But alas, I believe I like it. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Despite the fact that I am scheduled for something like four hours and fifteen minutes' worth of class on Tuesdays, I was in class for a grand total of an hour today. Way to go, syllabi. If tomorrow works out the same way, I'll be doing a lot of hurry-up-and-wait. The 9:30, 10:30, 11:30, and 1:30 schedule is bound to have me spending a lot of non-instructional time in Faculty Hall, which could be a lot of fun if there are lots of people loitering in the halls. If I remember correctly, isn't Faculty Hall really crowded the first few days of class because people actually try to get to class before it starts? Anyway, I'll be doing a lot of running up and down the stairs between the fourth and fifth floor. I only have two classes on the fourth floor this year, and that is sad. They're not even in the usual rooms.

Alright, I know I've done it and I'm getting ready to do it again, but it bothers me when people apologize for the content on their blog. But sweet mother a'mighty, can't I think of something else to put on here? Anything insightful, interesting, and/or thought-provoking? Within me are many musings on life and other important things, but why do they duck and run when I open Blogger? I should make some sort of commitment to produce material that exercises or enlightens the mind of the reader, but then you'd be expecting something. And I'd only let you down. Between Women's Lit and Philosophy this semester, I should have ideas to share. But until then or whenever I encounter something for us to chew on, we'll all have to settle for these mundane details.

Oh, I'm missing I Love 92, Part Deux.

this early morning

And so the spring semester begins. With approximately five hours of sleep under my belt, I got up this morning at a pre-daylight 6:00 am, but apparently overestimated the time between leaving my apartment and getting to the library at 7:30. I ended up sitting in the university parking lot for something like ten minutes and still having to wait for a few more once I got to the library. The doors still hadn't opened up. But now, I'm in. And let me tell you, this monstrous information desk I'm sitting behind is something else.

This should be much more interesting than working at Applied Science. I get to do a lot more people-watching. And I am not just a lab supervisor, folks. I sit behind a nice little paper name plate that says "Information Desk." I've already been asked all sorts of non-computer questions. If the library hourly wage is any more than the one I'm getting now, I think I should be paid that. Okay, okay. I don't deserve anything more than minimum wage. I still don't have to do much. Answer questions and put little tally marks in the boxes for which the questions pertain. I think the hardest part will be getting this laptop set up. I hope so. But I can say that this has been fairly enjoyable so far. I've been able to use my campus and library savvy (note: not computer savvy) to guide some people through the first-day-of-the-semester troubles.

Perhaps I'll get around to reading or some other such productive activity. 'Cause I have plenty of time.

Monday, January 17, 2005


Do you ever get the feeling that something's just not right? That's the feeling I got when I sat down and looked over the textbooks I just purchased from Bradley Book Co. Despite the fact that I had to drop $340 for the load of books, I'm pretty sure that I didn't even get the book for one of my classes. (But it's the class that's got me in a pickle with the College of Education, so maybe that's some sort of sign...) And when comparing the book selection on the University Bookstore site with the books I've been sold for Intro to Philosophy, something doesn't quite jibe. However, the five books I have now are altogether less expensive that the one book I think I'm supposed to have. I guess I'll find all this out soon enough. After the one daytime class I have tomorrow, for which I'm fairly certain I have the correct text, I'll scope out the situation at the University store. Oh, and sometime this week, I have to go pick up $115 worth of Spanish books that are on back order.

Most of the errands I was going to run today didn't happen on account of the holiday. Looks like I'll be doing a lot of running around tomorrow. My schedule is really strange. Tomorrow, I work from 7:30 am until 12:15 pm, and then I have class at 2:00. Then, I have my night class at 5:00. Somewhere in all that, I need to go the the bookstore, the bank, and Sparks Hall. My favorite places, indeed.

Yes, yes. This is the interesting life that is mine. One day, I'll have inspiring adventures with harrowing tales of woe and glory to tell. Okay, so maybe not. But for now, I can tell you that I did a lot of cleaning-type things that needed to be done today. I managed to fit most of my books on my shelving space, with only a few having to be eulogized and packed away in a cardboard box to be buried in the depths of my closet. Alright, I exaggerate. I didn't eulogize my books, but for some strange reason, I was singing that Doug Stone song, circa 1990, that goes, "I'd be better off in pine box on a slow train somethingsomething Georgia..." How's that for drudging up forgotten childhood memories? Anyway, I'm doing some laundry, and I plan to continue my one-woman raid on the band of Gypsy dust bunnies that waltzed in here and made babies. And I might do some dishes, too. If that's not an adventure, I don't know what is.


This will be the third time I've filled this out. Recycle, recycle, recycle rap.

current clothing: Jeans and my white three-quarterish V-neck shirt.

current mood: Indistinguishable.

current taste: I don't taste anything at the moment. I'm tasteless--in a completely non-dictionary-definition sense of the word.

current hair: Straightened, actually. When, at three in the afternoon, I decided to go through the making-myself-somewhat-presentable series of actions, I also chose to straighten my hair. Something that probably hasn't been done in over six months.

current annoyance: The fact that I have lots of books and am getting ready to have lots more books, and I do not have shelf space at all. At all.

current smell: Meaning the odors I am able to smell or what I smell like? Just like my mood and just like my taste, it can't quite be determined.

current thing you ought to be doing: Sleeping, perhaps.

current jewelry: Earrings that cost me less than three dollars at WalMart.

current book: (And this makes the sidebar "books" section a bit inaccurate...) I'm not sure what C. S. Lewis book to be reading on. I'm having a difficult time getting into both The Problem of Pain and Miracles at the moment. I'm feeling like I need to read some fiction, maybe. What I've read the most of lately, though, is Paul Ford's Companion to Narnia. It's a reference book about The Chronicles of Narnia. That makes me cool, huh?

current refreshment: I don't have anything refreshing on me at the moment, but I'm feeling all cottonmouthy. *insert the universal sign for cottonmouth* I think I'll get me a water.

current worry: Technically, it's First Day of the Semester's Eve. Need I say more?

current crush: Did you know Wayne Hart is much more attractive in person? He and Brad Byrd ate beside us at Golden Corral one night. I couldn't eat my food until they left. Newspeople do me that way. This is a non-sexual crush, of course.

favorite celebrity: Last time, Wayne Hart was my favorite celebrity. What's my deal? I inherited it from my mom. She has a crush on Lester Holt from Today. Anyway, I guess it's pretty safe to say that John Mayer always has a dog in this race.

current longing: I long for organizational furniture. A desk and a bookshelf.

current music: Audibly, none. But I have a lot of Allie Lapointe songs bouncing around in my head.

current wish: That one or the other of my guitar tuners would come back to life.

current lyric in your head: "Oh, Lord, could you save you daughter / Even if she doesn't know if she wants to be yours"

current makeup: What's left of this afternoon's attempt at decency. Not much, I am sure.

current undergarments: Though I could just not even put this question on here, I feel some loyalty to the origins of this thing, so it stays. I just don't see the sense in answering it. Quite uninteresting, I say. As if the rest of this is...

current regret: Allowing myself to fall into the inevitable sleep pattern that haunts me when out of school. Being a night owl is okay--until I must abruptly become an early bird.

current desktop picture: White letters on a black screen: My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

current plans for tonight/weekend: Tonight, I shall eventually sleep. And this coming weekend is so distant, I certainly cannot see it from here.

current cuss word du jour: None, I say.

current disappointment: I'm working in Waterfield this semester. Oh, how I'd hoped for Applied Science. But I'll make do.

current amusement: Er, I don't know. But I did spend four hours--four hours--watching Golden Globes coverage earlier. That is sad.

current IM/person you're talking to: No one. Not much of the talking, talking, talking going on.

current love: I'm back in love with my six-inch roasted chicken breast on Monterey cheddar with cheese, lettuce, banana peppers, and mayo at Subway. Oh, how I've missed you.

current obsession: C. S. Lewis, indeed.

current thing or things on your wall: Oh, me. Soon, I swear, I'll get some things up on these walls. I never thought I'd get so comfortable with whitespace, though.

current favorite book: It's so hard to choose. Right now, I might have to save The Screwtape Letters, but not by a whole lot. I'm not good with favorites, I tell you.

current favorite movie: So, I have this tendency to claim the last good thing I've seen as my favorite, and again, it applies. Finding Neverland is one of the best movies I've seen in long time. I wouldn't say that everyone would think so, but I loved it five minutes in. It's not a strange movie that keeps you puzzled and takes a full two days to reconcile its meaning. It is a rather seemingly simple movie that could come off as neat or cute or touching or romantic, but its core is thought-provoking and complex. Plus, it is a well-made, well-acted film.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

night light

I've returned to Murray. This time for the semester. As the sentiments often go, this break was ever so long, but I really don't know where it went. I can't believe it's back to book-buying and all those other beginning-of-the-semester activities. Shouldn't we still be in the pre-midterm season of last semster?

The last few days at home were a little different than I had expected. Lots of things came to a somewhat screeching halt when my family learned that Dad's sister had been hospitalized. Because of her condition and the privacy laws, we have been unable to find out much of anything. So we'd been sticking close together in case we needed to make an immediate trip to Nashville. But we've still heard nothing from her, and all there is to do now is wait.

I feel decidedly (a word that will forever remind me of an 8 Ball) sick to my stomach. This same feeling washed over me last night at roughly the same time. Maybe it's my body saying, Hey, don't you know you need to go to bed? I stayed up to close to 4:00 this morning, and I got up a little before 9:00. Yes, I'm a bit drowsy. I'm not exactly sure why I'm resisting going to bed. Maybe it is because I've thrown a good bit of clothing and other items on my bed when I got here, and I don't feel like sorting through it. I'll most likely toss it all in the floor so that I can go through it another time. Like four or five months from now. Seems to be what I do with everything else.

Alright. It's off to bed. I think I'll test out this new little Tiffany lamp that Dad got me from Cracker Barrel. I've put it beside my bed. I was hoping for something to read by, but I'm not sure it is anything more than a night light. Go, little 4 watt light bulb, go.

Monday, January 10, 2005

for a night

New year. New blog design. Oh, yeah. And just a few new pictures up on Flickr.

I miss being in Murray, having internet, seeing people, and all those things. I'm here in town because I had to get some stupid College of Education junk straightened out.

I enjoyed having last night to myself. I decided I was going to rent Garden State to rewatch it and see if I really want to buy it. I tried Movie World. All rented out. I didn't feel like going to Blockbuster--for what reason, I am not sure--so I went to the new Movie Gallery. It's more on my end of town, and there is nothing quite like having another movie rental membership card, right? But alas, all forty million copies were gone. But since I'd made such a big trip of it, I resolved that I wasn't going to leave the store without a film to watch. None of the new releases grabbed my attention, and I'm of the belief that there is always some movie that I haven't seen that I should see. (Okay, so I wouldn't consider that one of my essential belief statements, but anyway...) I perused the aisles of Movie Gallery looking for that movie I couldn't live without. (What's with all this hyperbole?) And there was nothing. Lots of scary movies, which I hate. (It reminded me of some old, no-longer-existent video rental place in Providence that carried practically nothing but horror flicks that, with their shoddy and scarily depicted VHS covers, tormented my over-active imagination.) I worked my way back to the Ss, and settled on Shakespeare in Love. Pretty good stuff, there. It's good to see Ben Affleck in a fairly minor role, with a (not very good) British accent to boot. Not the most lovable appearance of Colin Firth, I must say. But all in all, a quality motion picture. (Motion picture being my new synonym for movie. I really don't like the word movie. It sounds cheap, though there are doubtless many films that deserve the title.) So that's what I did last night.

We've reached the final week of what seemed like the neverending winter break. I've spent most of my time doing nothing. In fact, the only things I have to show for it all are a couple of C. S. Lewis books that I read. Didn't quite get around to reading the American classics as I'd hoped. But at least I do own them now. But I haven't taken many pictures. I haven't written many blogs. This break was generally uneventful, a nice bit of time away. However, I need a nice balance of structure and change to keep me from going utterly insane, but I'll do my best to savor this last week. I know the coming semester with be nothing short of gruelling.

Well, this has been such an inspiring First Blog Entry of 2005, eh? Surely, it will get better. ;-)