So it's another three blog day. It's that internal instinct to write. Quantity, not quality. Prolific, not perfect. I apologize.
First off, I'd like to address the fact that I find myself with lots of crushes. Aw, how precious is that? And I don't mean people I'd like to marry. Just guys I enjoy looking at and being a fifth grader on the inside about. For this I say, thank you, English department. You never fail to bring shaggy-haired, deep, intelligent, poetic, and absurdly cute boys (or men, at least in one instance) into my presence. But that's it. You bring them into my presence. And they do acknowledge me, sometimes. To ask me if I was in class the previous week when they totally didn't notice me. To ask me if I will sit and watch the ESO money box while they go pee. But that's okay. Because I am not really interested in them. Dear English department, these boys you bring me are kindling for the tiny flame that the little fifth grader in my heart wildly dances around, giggling all the while.
What else? Hm, I have a Spanish test tomorrow. And no, I haven't studied. But I can do that at work, right? Hopefully. And at 12:30 (BarbCobb is cancelled), Matt, Tessa, Jennie, and I are meeting for a little study session and some lunch before the test. That should be enough studying. Uh huh.
So my birthday looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. My Shakespeare paper is no longer due on that date, but everything else in the world seems to be happening on October 14. Not only will I be having my earth science lecture test, I will also be having the earth science lab midterm. Couldn't the tests at least have been in a class that I enjoy? No, indeed. But there is an ESO meeting that afternoon, which means I get to see at least one of those adorable shaggy-haired English boys. (No, no. Not the Beatles.) Wait. No. We decided not to have that ESO meeting that day because it's the last day of class before fall break. Grrr. As much as I don't drink, it has become very tempting to consider getting sloshed on the day I turn twenty-one. Somebody needs to talk me out of it.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
there's a first time for everything
This is probably the only time this will ever happen on my blog. Well, it may happen again, but take note. This is a first: My political thoughts.
Do not be afraid. I'm not getting ready to bombard you with Bush-Cheney this or Kerry-Edwards that. Nope. It's a little different than that. I know, I know, I know that I should be more politically aware. After all, this stuff does involve me. But honestly, I do not know enough about either of the candidates to make a stance--even if one of them has been our president for the past four years. People keep saying that I have to vote. And it's true. I should. But why should I vote out of ignorance? At this point in the campaigning, I won't be able to find objective information on either of them anywhere. If such information even exists.
This is what bothers me. And please, do not take this as Bush propaganda. I hate that because I'm a college student, I'm expected to vote for Kerry. I hate that because Bush has nothing going on his head during a speech until he looks back down at his notes, I should vote for Kerry. I hate that because there is a war in Iraq, I need to vote for Kerry. I hate that because Kerry isn't Bush, I am supposed to vote for Kerry. What mind besides that of a robot automatically assumes that because Bush is "bad" Kerry is "good"? It is failed logic. Maybe it's true that Kerry would be a better president. I honestly don't know. And neither does anyone else. Both candidates will shove whatever lies down our throats as long as we let them and agree to vote for them. It doesn't matter what is said on the campaign trail. Nothing guarantees that any of it will come to fruition.
My logic would be just as faulty, though, if I said all this was a reason to vote for Bush. So I don't have a solution. I can't bring myself to vote for either one. I hate that I can't even vote. It's almost like this election is a multiple choice question without the correct answer being given. Though, isn't it always? But people want to exercise their rights. The voting process may be an elimination of a greater evil. It may be the product of hasty, ill-advised people. This is the failure of democracy. What is the answer? I'm not sure. I'm just an ignorant college kid, biting off more than she can chew.
I did take some sort of political orientation quiz on the internet once. It said that I'm a communist. So when the Red Scare comes around again, Google will drudge up this post and I will be blacklisted or exiled or something. All in the name of politics. The irony of my life.
Do not be afraid. I'm not getting ready to bombard you with Bush-Cheney this or Kerry-Edwards that. Nope. It's a little different than that. I know, I know, I know that I should be more politically aware. After all, this stuff does involve me. But honestly, I do not know enough about either of the candidates to make a stance--even if one of them has been our president for the past four years. People keep saying that I have to vote. And it's true. I should. But why should I vote out of ignorance? At this point in the campaigning, I won't be able to find objective information on either of them anywhere. If such information even exists.
This is what bothers me. And please, do not take this as Bush propaganda. I hate that because I'm a college student, I'm expected to vote for Kerry. I hate that because Bush has nothing going on his head during a speech until he looks back down at his notes, I should vote for Kerry. I hate that because there is a war in Iraq, I need to vote for Kerry. I hate that because Kerry isn't Bush, I am supposed to vote for Kerry. What mind besides that of a robot automatically assumes that because Bush is "bad" Kerry is "good"? It is failed logic. Maybe it's true that Kerry would be a better president. I honestly don't know. And neither does anyone else. Both candidates will shove whatever lies down our throats as long as we let them and agree to vote for them. It doesn't matter what is said on the campaign trail. Nothing guarantees that any of it will come to fruition.
My logic would be just as faulty, though, if I said all this was a reason to vote for Bush. So I don't have a solution. I can't bring myself to vote for either one. I hate that I can't even vote. It's almost like this election is a multiple choice question without the correct answer being given. Though, isn't it always? But people want to exercise their rights. The voting process may be an elimination of a greater evil. It may be the product of hasty, ill-advised people. This is the failure of democracy. What is the answer? I'm not sure. I'm just an ignorant college kid, biting off more than she can chew.
I did take some sort of political orientation quiz on the internet once. It said that I'm a communist. So when the Red Scare comes around again, Google will drudge up this post and I will be blacklisted or exiled or something. All in the name of politics. The irony of my life.
i'm confused
I woke up early this morning so that I could finish working on my Shakespeare journal. At 9:3o last night, I couldn't hold my eyes open. But of course, I didn't wake up and fly right into Shakespeare. I was sitting here checking out some blogs and watching Today, and I saw something. Okay, the two sets of miniblinds in my front window are a little spaced, so if you stand at just the right angle, you can see outside. And creepily, yes, if you are outside, you can see inside. Anyway, well, the ol' flat screen TV gives off a pretty clear reflection. Turns out, the TV is at just the right angle to get an okay view of outside. In that sliver of reflection, I saw a guy. Then it occured to me that guy had on a police uniform. So I leapt up and looked out. There were two police cars parked in the lot and it looked as if they were inspecting a car. Being from the meth capital of the world, I'm automatically thinking drug bust or something. But now the police are gone, and the inspected car is still just sitting there. Maybe somebody backed into it and they were filing an accident report. Just kinda scared me a little bit. Huh. Guess I can do my Shakespeare stuff now/
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
average day
I finally got the picture of the morning glories this morning. I was a little worried that they would freeze up and die. It was so cool this morning. I love it. Long sleeve t-shirts, and soon enough, hoodies.
I guess it's been an average day. Well, not average as in normal, but average as in not great or horrible. Work was interesting. At any given moment during my shift, only three computers would work. They're reworking the printer configuration, which is good for a couple reasons. The horribly slow and noisy black and white HP printer is gone. And so is the money guzzling Lexmark color printer. They've been replaced by a monstrosity of a black and white printer. No more slow printing PDFs. And no more folks being irate about a 25 cent printed page. The bad news is that I'm going to have to start taking money by hand. This means that people will try to run away without having paid, a nonexistent problem with the ol' Jamex money machine. And I'm going to have to make change. I need to start memorizing what seventeen pages times five cents minus five dollars is. Oh, me.
I got my BarbCobb paper back today. I got a B. Don't you just hate that? Well, you probably don't. You probably think it's funny. It just bothers me that her casual instruction greatly contrasts her strict assessment style. I guess that's something I should consider as a teacher. I'd like to be a laid back teacher with high expectations. Is that possible? Yes, let me rephrase that. Is that possible while being fair to students? Hmm.
I'm a little worried about myself. I think I need to go to the doctor. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of getting sick. Feverish with a dry throat. Like a perpetual onset of strep throat or something. But then I wonder, are these symptoms of high blood pressure and high glucose? That stuff runs in my family, and I sure don't take any preventative measures. So I do what everyone who dies of heart disease does: ignore it and hope it will go away.
Mmkay, well, I'm going to the BSU for the international student conversation classes here in a few minutes. Oh, and I have to go to WalMart. And when I get home, I have so much Shakespeare stuff to do I could cry. Avoidance really will kill me.
I guess it's been an average day. Well, not average as in normal, but average as in not great or horrible. Work was interesting. At any given moment during my shift, only three computers would work. They're reworking the printer configuration, which is good for a couple reasons. The horribly slow and noisy black and white HP printer is gone. And so is the money guzzling Lexmark color printer. They've been replaced by a monstrosity of a black and white printer. No more slow printing PDFs. And no more folks being irate about a 25 cent printed page. The bad news is that I'm going to have to start taking money by hand. This means that people will try to run away without having paid, a nonexistent problem with the ol' Jamex money machine. And I'm going to have to make change. I need to start memorizing what seventeen pages times five cents minus five dollars is. Oh, me.
I got my BarbCobb paper back today. I got a B. Don't you just hate that? Well, you probably don't. You probably think it's funny. It just bothers me that her casual instruction greatly contrasts her strict assessment style. I guess that's something I should consider as a teacher. I'd like to be a laid back teacher with high expectations. Is that possible? Yes, let me rephrase that. Is that possible while being fair to students? Hmm.
I'm a little worried about myself. I think I need to go to the doctor. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of getting sick. Feverish with a dry throat. Like a perpetual onset of strep throat or something. But then I wonder, are these symptoms of high blood pressure and high glucose? That stuff runs in my family, and I sure don't take any preventative measures. So I do what everyone who dies of heart disease does: ignore it and hope it will go away.
Mmkay, well, I'm going to the BSU for the international student conversation classes here in a few minutes. Oh, and I have to go to WalMart. And when I get home, I have so much Shakespeare stuff to do I could cry. Avoidance really will kill me.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
i miss the man in the moon
in my ears
artist: paul simon
song: train in the distance
Maybe it was all that gushy talk after class with Jennie and Tessa about Hot Guy Bill and how deep he is, but something got me in a contemplative mood. After my awkwardly scheduled night class, I was naturally hungry. I'm also naturally out of food here at the ol' apartment, so I went to Burger King for a number six. Sitting there in my car in the drive-thru line trying to remember if my meal costs five dollars and two cents or five dollars and eight cents, I see the moon. Well, I'd seen the moon earlier this evening, noticing how perfectly full it is, and I remembered again our wonderful study of the lunar phases. But this time, instead of thinking, "oh, must be the middle of the lunar month" or anything of that nature, I notice the man. You know, the man in the moon. And that autumnal bittersweet feeling came over me again. And I wondered why I can't just look up at a celestial body and marvel that there is a face in it. No, I have to stop and think about the terrain, the mare and terrae that create the highlights and shadows on the surface. And for a few moments, I pitied the loss of innocence, ignorance. And I wondered if maybe it is better to not know. If ignorance is bliss. Or if that, too, is only an illusion, a delusion.
It is five dollars and eight cents, by the way.
artist: paul simon
song: train in the distance
Maybe it was all that gushy talk after class with Jennie and Tessa about Hot Guy Bill and how deep he is, but something got me in a contemplative mood. After my awkwardly scheduled night class, I was naturally hungry. I'm also naturally out of food here at the ol' apartment, so I went to Burger King for a number six. Sitting there in my car in the drive-thru line trying to remember if my meal costs five dollars and two cents or five dollars and eight cents, I see the moon. Well, I'd seen the moon earlier this evening, noticing how perfectly full it is, and I remembered again our wonderful study of the lunar phases. But this time, instead of thinking, "oh, must be the middle of the lunar month" or anything of that nature, I notice the man. You know, the man in the moon. And that autumnal bittersweet feeling came over me again. And I wondered why I can't just look up at a celestial body and marvel that there is a face in it. No, I have to stop and think about the terrain, the mare and terrae that create the highlights and shadows on the surface. And for a few moments, I pitied the loss of innocence, ignorance. And I wondered if maybe it is better to not know. If ignorance is bliss. Or if that, too, is only an illusion, a delusion.
It is five dollars and eight cents, by the way.
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