Sunday, September 19, 2004

can the child within my heart rise above

I complain about working at Hart lab, but just now, I realize that it just might be better than Applied Science. Well, it's just very different. I like how I kinda stay busy with people at AS in the morning; it keeps me awake. But I came close to having a nervous breakdown on Friday. See, at 8:00-12:00 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays there tend to be a lot of crazy, crazy non-trads in the lab. Especially since it is in an academic building. I won't go into the details of Friday's situation, but I thank God that on Sunday night in a residential college computer lab, I can rest assured that I won't be dealing with that kind of insanity. There aren't even that many people who ask for my help here. These people just hang out and chat on MSN. I'm cool with that. And I can do my homework, which I very much need to do.

But my head is aswarm with things that don't even closely resemble Spanish verbs conjugated in future tenses or the description of the Franklin in the "General Prologue" to the Canterbury Tales. I'll try not to accost you with a spiel like last time. I apologize for that. But I just feel a little misplaced somehow. Like there is somewhere completely different I need to be. And I mean on a grander scale than "Yeah, I'd rather be at home on the couch right about now." It's not exactly that I feel inferior where I am either, but it's only a little different than that. Like I'm frantically trying to catch up with something that I don't even want or, more importantly, need. I'm not sure what that means, but I think it's a pretty good description. It's not that I am unhappy. That's not it. I'm just feeling a little lost at the moment. The good news is this: No matter how lost I might feel right now, no matter how much I don't recognize these pseudo-familiar surroundings, I know I'm headed in the right direction. It's like going somewhere you've never gone before: You've never seen these surroundings in your life, but you know your turn is coming up any minute and, according to your map, you'll arrive at your destination without a hitch. It's just a little intimidating between here and there.

Okay, enough of that. I gotta get to work on my paper for BarbCobb. And I need to work on this gold foil ball of miniature Reese's Cup wrappers I'm making.

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