Honestly, I don't know how to start this blog, but I guess I can say that I've just had the best (and weirdest) last twenty-seven hours of my life.
I can start out by saying that Illinois is about the weirdest state on the face of the planet. A prime example of this weirdity would be Cagle's Phillips 66 gas station in Vienna. Lauren wasn't feeling too hot and me and Holly had to pee, so I pulled off at this little gas station. It looked really promising--except for the ominous rope with orange tape dangling from it that crossed the entrances to the parking lot, but one of them had been knocked down. I barrelled on through. Shoulda been my first clue. Turns out we all barge in there and use the bathroom and the place hasn't even opened for business yet. We finally figured it out when there was nothing on the shelves and all the vehicles in the parking lot were construction trucks. Oh, well. Besides the fact that there were no mirrors in them, the bathrooms were nice.
After about a million miles and every John Mayer CD, we arrive in Champaign, but we really don't have a clue how to get to Assembly Hall. We took a few turns by instinct, followed a few sign, and then there it was. The Great LloydShip. AKA Assembly Hall. It was so effortless that we thought maybe we weren't in the right place, but we were. We go in, by our precious tshirts and stickers, have a seat, take out lives, plot them out in black and white. No, really, we took our seats and met Cindy Lauper, or AssCrack, if you will. I feel the need to call this woman a non-trad. I guess, in a sense, she was. I don't know how old this woman was or how many drugs she has done or is currently doing, but she felt the need to talk to us the entire hour before Teitur came on. It got to the point that we all started feigning serious conversation just so she wouldn't talk to us. Then the greatest thing happened. A tall, shadowy figure walked out on stage to introduce Teitur, the opening act. It was John! It caught us all so off guard we about wet ourselves. And then there was Teitur. He was really good. We're looking into getting his CD. After he finished up, we sat around waiting for John, and with my little binocs I spot none other than the infamous H. Scotty Crowe. After he worked the floor for a while, pimping like a mad-mad, Holly and I decided that you only live once. We walked down to the edge of our section and hollered for him. We had our cameras in hand, ready to snap a picture of our favorite road-journalist. He finally looks at us, waves, smiles an unconvincing smile, and keeps going--seeing we were wanting to take picture. That bung-hole! I'm sorry I didn't have a boob hanging out for him to caress. I wash my hands of you, Scotty. But before we knew it, it was John Mayer thirty and commenced the best concert I've ever seen in my life. He was awesome. We stood and sang the whole time. Well, except for the times we decided to protest the songs that we didn't want to hear. My momma sat there with her high-powered binoculars zoomed in on lord-only-knows-what, except for when he sang Your Body Is A Wonderland. She jumped up and wished she could sing along. I think the only line she knows is "bubble gum tongue" (uh-uh-uhng). We all had a fabulous time. There is so much detail I could go into, but I just don't what to say. I love him. The band was awesome. The horns were great. JJJ is a phenomenal drummer, and hey, he's quite hot. I have a concern though. What was dela's deal? He hid the whole time. He and John didn't interact at all. Are they breaking up? I can't bear the thought. Anyway, it was a really personal show. Maybe he feeds all those lines and heart-to-hearts to all of his audiences, but I'm gullible and don't care. For those Any Given Thursday fans out there (and I ask myself if there would be any AGT fans reading this...), he went for a shoe-tying. The second time he's done that on stage, he says. I feel very special. John, can I marry you? Please?
Since I did all the driving up there, Mom drove home. I tried to sleep, but it didn't work so well. We couldn't stop listening to all the songs and recalling moments from the show. Oh, and how much we love him. We kept saying it as if the other people in the car didn't know or don't love him equally as much.
Okay, I guess I need to do some stuff. Like take a shower. Maybe it'll heat me up. It's something close to .73 degress in here, maybe less. But before I go, let me pull a Scotty (even though my love for him is over) and give you the setlist from the show.
Clarity
No Such Thing
My Stupid Mouth
City Love
Covered in Rain
Bigger Than My Body
Something's Missing
Great Indoors
Why Georgia
New Deep
Come Back To Bed
Your Body is a Wonderland
83
encore
Tracing (solo)
Daughters (trio)
St. Patrick's Day
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