Monday, January 26, 2004

try so hard to disregard the rhythm of the rain that drops

in my ears
songs about jane
artist: Maroon 5
song: Sweetest Goodbye

So what's with the weather? That's right, folks. It was practically 95 degrees outside today. Okay, it wasn't that warm, but there were people all over campus peeling off their winter coats left and right. I like it. But I hear it's supposed to snow tomorrow. That doesn't really excite me. I'm about ready for spring-like weather.

It's about a drowsy day. Well, every Monday and Wednesday I come back from class, get some lunch, and then try to read some Hovie. This is probably not a good sign, but I fall asleep every time. Last time it was Benjamin Franklin that knocked me out cold on the futon in twenty minutes. Today it was Ralph Waldo Emerson. I was awakened from my philosophy-induced slumber by a loud rap on the door and a "Housing!" The ever-dreaded fellows with aerosol cans and clipboards were menacing the halls to test the smoke-detectors. Thus ended my nap. But now Holly's sacked out on the top bunk, and this dimly lit room is beckoning me back to a sleep that I don't really need. I need to finish reading ol' RWE, but I know I'll wake up drooling on my copy of "Self-Reliance," so I sit here, instead, trying to carry on about nothing.

I've tried to come up with something that's on my mind to talk about, but remnants of Emerson's philosophy on self-reliance, even though I couldn't really understand it, is about all I've got. At some point before I fell asleep, I read something about how it is wrong to do something just because it's what society says you should do (sounds like Ed...), but you should do what's right for you. Of course, this philosophy is much deeper and complicated than this or I wouldn't have fallen asleep reading it, but this stuff'll make you think. Which, I guess, is the whole point. But if you think about it, how many things have we just automatically done in our lives just because it is the thing to do? Like college. There are so many people who come to college not having a clue as to what they want to do. I am sorta one of those people. For instance, I don't say to myself, "I am at college to get my degree and certification so I can teach high school kids English." Yes, that is what I am doing, but that's not exactly why I'm here. That isn't necessarily wrong, but I'm afraid I don't intend to learn the way I would if I was more purpose-driven. That, I find, is oftentimes the case with non-trads. See, a lot of kids are here because their parents made them, it was the next logical step, they received some sort of scholarship, whatever. I've met only a few college kids who know what they want and have come to college to, in essence, get 'er done. As with non-trads, many of them have realized what they want in life and have found that a degree in such and such area is what they need to get there. This is how I compare and contrast my sister and myself. She married when she was nineteen, worked a couple jobs, and went to night-school. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do. About six years ago, she realized that she wanted to be a nurse, and she truly had a passion to fulfill that goal. After ten years of picking up bits and pieces of college here and there and lots of work, she is a nurse. I have a vast amount of respect for her. I, on the other hand, went off to this four year university straight out of high school. I am by no means paying my own way, and I'm not even sure what I want to do. I'm not saying the path that my sister chose is wiser than my own. It hasn't been an easy one for her. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't feel like I've earned the right to be where I am. I am not grateful enough for this opportunity that I've been given. I am fortunate. I am blessed.

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